#because I spent the first hour of every morning feeding chickens and cats

[housedyke]

Lads I'm reaching that point of house-sitting where I'm over it and there's still half a week left

[notsufjanstevensblog]

Chinni. She was our family dog. A black pomeranian. She was a size of a cat when we first bought her. No. Took her away from the locals because they told us chinni was “too harsh”. I was around 12-13? I guess? I’m not sure. Soon chinni was a part of our broken family. Broken on all terms- family, finance, health, a happy home, you name it. Chinni was a hope that we all clinged on to. On our lousy days, our tired sundays, our evenings when all of us were really tired of whatever we spent the day doing, our mornings when mom & dad woke me up to catch that bus right on time and so many other days when life slapped our face to reality. We used to feed chinni 2 biscuits every evening and now that I think of it, maybe it took only 2 of those buiscuits was all that it took for our simple lives with chinni. Ruthless human being I am, I barely spent anytime with her. My mom and younger sister used to pet her so much and I never understood. But I just gave up one day and tried playing with her but it didn’t do me any good. Let me also tell you that i’ve always hated pets. For a person who is very conscious about cleanliness and hygiene, I was very particular about even touching chinni in the beginning. To my favour, chinni was very good and aware about everything around her. She never disturbed me and just sat with me, catching flies in the air. I don’t think it ever caught one- idiot. It used to be very delusional and chew something random on the floor. I always used to shoo it away because you don’t want your mango-eating-sunday-afternoons with chinni! I mean, come on.

Then we all grew up. Times changed. We shifted to a new house. Things were pretty great. I didn’t like the change but just like everyone else, I got used to it. I was admitted in a boarding school. I loved it there. I was a cute church going wanna-be christian girl reading bible and quoting psalms. I used to go back home every sunday to wash my hair and scrub my skin. My mom kept screaming at how tanned by back and my hands or legs were or how my hair keeps falling off in bunches. On a random sunday, I remember this very vividly. On a random sunday, I was sitting there after this very petty argument with my elder sister crying and holding a piece of chicken that my mom cooked everytime we came home from hostel. Chinni came sniffing and I threw it far far away. Chinni brought back the piece in her mouth, un-eaten. I was confused. I wasn’t going to eat that, so i told “chinni, you eat”. And chinni did. I went back home and mom had another one for me. I never really noticed chinni. I just knew she was watching me from under my car or the corner she always occupied in our car garage.

Times changed very rapidly. I was in my 2nd year of college. Dad was hospitalised with acute kidney infection stage 4. Dad sat on the garden wall and spoke to people for hours. Chinni just sat there with him, catching flies in the air. I mean literally that. Dad used to pat chinni a few times and look at the sky. He used to yell at all of us for not feeding chinni and cleaning her. By the end of covid pandemic, our family had gotten a little closer and I couldn’t have asked for more. I loved it. It was mundane and simple. I came to LOVE chinni. Chinni used to come wherever me and mom and my sister used to go to walk. Slowly, wagging its tail, barking at basically nothing. We had a favourite jackfruit tree in our fields where me and mom used to gossip about people closer to us. It was fun. Chinni used to sit there and act as if she knew what we were speaking and I used to just pat chinni and wash hands and legs off of the dust and her hair everytime I returned back home. Chinni was old. Infact, I never knew how old she was.

By now times had severely changed. Dad was diagnosed with covid-19 and had a pulmonary infection with underlying health issues. Chinni kept crying. Perhaps she knew her family wouldn’t be the same anymore. Chinni used to howl. I didn’t think she could do that until that point. My dad kept giving her buiscuits. But how many of them will she need to tune down the thoughts of her not having the same family in a few days and losing one of her best friends? And the world fell apart for chinni. My dad passed away. Now chinni was no one. Nothing. Just another dog. She couldn’t cheer us anymore. She couldn’t smile or eat anymore. Chinni only used to eat food when we had kept it on a plate and left. Chinni never ate food infront of any of us. I saw chinni’s teeth in the garden and I knew chinni was also getting old. I tried to be there for her as much as I could but I was broken enough to an extent to know that it would not be able to fix her. I just used to sit with chinni with a glass of tea in my one hand and phone in the other.

Chinni wanted her dad. To tell her stories telepathically. I could never be her. I could never listen to anyone’s stories in my family without being judgemental. Chinni started getting sadder and sadder. Chinni never came near our house now. It sat there quietly in a garage. It could barely see or bark. I went back to university and everytime I kept waving at her assuming she could see. Only if she were here to know that I would wave at her a million more times. Chinni’s hair was falling off. I never spent time with chinni anymore because she reminded me of the time that my life was at its best. It was a dream, a dream that had already passed. I didn’t want to fight to have it again. Very recently I went to meet chinni and she was fine. I had not talked to her for the past few months. So I fed the leftovers and came back home.

My uncle was very annoyed at the rat that kept roaming in the garage. He threw a big ass stick aiming the rat but chinni got hit. It was horrible. She got hit and her hip broke. Chinni kept crying. I couldn’t take it anymore. I came home and cried my heart out. All of us cried. We could never see chinni again. And 3 days later, chinni had passed away. I wasn’t informed. I went home and took 2 biscuits from the snacks drawer in our kitchen and then my mom told me chinni had passed away. Now that I come to think of it, I only have regrets. I could’ve maybe touched chinni more often. Played with her more often. Fed her her favourite treats. I could’ve done so much more but I’m happy that I atleast have regrets that keep me up at night reminding chinni- the best company I’ll ever have.

[neoheros]

sneaking out headcanons feat. gym 3 squad ♡ — also this is all gonna be set in an au before or without the quarantine, so don’t leave your house please!! social distancing is important and people are dying!!

kuroo tetsuro

listen LISTEN

sneaking out is terrible and you should never do it because it’s dangerous and risky

and you as the woke and understanding gen z that you are definitely respected that

but , BUT , BUUUUT !

the minute your boyfriend snapped you a photo of him in his car with him rubbing his tired eyes captioned “couldn’t sleep, dreamt of u”

your morals were OUT THE WINDOW and now it was your turn >:// !!!

kuroo: i know it’s 4 am but what’re the chances you’d hop out for a quick trip to chick-fil-a 👉👈

you, purposely taking two minutes to reply: why are you still awake

kuroo, who knows you like the back of his hand: babe don’t lie to me, it’s embarrassing for the both of us x

so you agree !! because it was kuroo, the love of your life, the man you’d simp for, and he’s paying for food so hell fricken yeah

you throw on a hoodie, lock your doors, fluff up the bed to make it look like someone was sleeping in it just in case and you gently make your way towards your window

due to personal reasons, you want to pass away

you suddenly remember why you hated sneaking out and boy — the food kuroo was buying you better be worth it

the only way you were actually gonna get down from your two story house that idiotically doesn’t have a roof ledge was if you grab onto the tv satellite that latched by the sill

from your window you see kuroo’s car parked by the trash cans near your house and he’s got his windshield down signaling at you

mfer pulled out his phone from his pocket and waved as he zooms closer to your figure and he SMILED ?

you were in a dilemma?? and he had the audacity???? the fricken audacity???

kuroo, snapping you the vid he took: babe please you’re so cute you look like a tiny gremlin

you: had me in the first half, not gonna lie

it was a MOMENT for you !! but you just say what the hell and go for it anyways because you only live once apparently and sneaking out with your boyfriend at 4 am was better than sleeping

you grab onto the satellite ridge and you pray for mercy that it doesn’t make a sound or loosen up because if anyone found out you were doing this it was definitely kuroo’s ass on the line

while you’re struggling to get down, kuroo’s just in the car ??? laughing his ass off at your current state and you swear that he’s still taking photos

you get down on the cement safely and instead of him pulling up closer to your drive way naaaah he makes you walk to where he was at 😤

you, getting in the car: if i dump you by the end of tonight, just know that the only reason why i didn’t do it sooner is because i wanted food

kuroo, putting on your seatbelt: we’ll get back together in the morning, i’m not worried

so the two of you make your way to chick-fil-a, get food via drivethru and eat in the parking lot with the doors open and the windows down

he still looks very tired and before you even realize it it’s already 6 in the morning

you catch him yawn every few minutes and he always reassures you that he didn’t mind staying up this late :(

he’s baby

kuroo: lets get you home, are you gonna dump me yet?

you, kissing his cheek: no, i kinda love you

kuroo, less sleepy with a lazy smile on his face: aha simp

tsukishima kei

bro if you think he’s a goody two shoes boy who won’t ask you to sneak out at like 2 in the morning , you are so wrong

canonically, he is the most devious and logical character in the entire anime and if he wants to go out with you before the crack of dawn — he fricken will !!

he’s gonna be so sly about it too, nah, he gon make you think it’s your idea to sneak out

tsukki, texting you a tiktok of homemade shrimp rotini at 2:35 am: look what yamaguchi sent me

yamaguchi, who fell asleep three hours ago and absolutely is not in any state to send tiktoks:

so you’re there like ??????

bruv you were just tryna scroll through your twitter feed in peace, why the hell would he send you that like that’s so uncool

because now you were sleep deprived and hungry

you, close to tears: does your house in hell have a pool or

tsukishima, unnerved: i don’t like the concept of swimming

he’s gonna go on about how he didn’t realize what he did and how he’s kinda sorry for waking your hunger but you weren’t born yesterday !! you smelled BS !!

so you facetime him, ready to go off on how unsorry he is and you can already imagine the shit eating grin he must’ve had on

he answers after three rings and he’s in a MFING yellow hoodie with the dinosaur print in the middle, his hair neatly tucked and you just know that he’s got his keys on his fingertips

you, defeated: i’ve been played

tsukishima, heading out the front door: i deny all accusations

you’re not even upset though because this was a perfect opportunity to try the stability of your roof ledge and tbh? who wasn’t unreasonably hungry at 3 am

turns out climbing out your window was harder than you thought and you may or may not have gotten two new bruises on your wrist just by trying

safe to assume that you fell on your ass and since the universe has a particular hatred towards you, your boyfriend arrived at the perfect time to witness all of it

tsukishima: how are you gonna kiss me when you’re too busy kissing the ground

you, tears on your cheeks: if i wanted a bully instead of a boyfriend i would’ve SAID SO

when you get in his car, the first thing he does is ask if you’re okay though and he’s checking your wrists and hands for any scratches or bleeding because 🥺

tsukki: you’re such a clumsy idiot what the hell

tsukki, kicking down the pavement when you’re not paying attention: 💢🪓

you guys end up going to numerous places because most of the drivethrus in town were already closed

you see him get tired behind the steering wheel and you almost have the urge to offer to drive but you didn’t really feel like crashing his car any day soon so

you: lets just head to starbucks hm? get some coffee?

tsukishima, feeling bad because he knows you wanted to get food: we don’t have to

you, in love with him: if you say no i will willingly walk all the way to starbucks by myself , what , you think i won’t do it

so you guys go there and order a couple double shot espressos with a side of scones and muffins and the entire time you’re just trying not to shiver because name one starbucks you’ve been to that hasn’t been unreasonably cold huh i dare you

he notices this and he gives you his hoodie and ITS JUST THE SOFTEST THING OKAY BECAUSE HE’S COLD TOO BUT HE JUST WANTS YOU WARM

you: i knew it, you love me too huh 😌

tsukishima: unfortunately so

akaashi keiji

AKAASHI IS LEGALLY THE BEST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD !!

like he cannot be a bad boyfriend ?? it’s impossible for him to be so ?????? he’s just built that way ????

he’s the ultimate mixture of respect and self love , god was just like “let’s make this one perfect !!”

he’s DRIPPING in love each other juice and he eats kindness for breakfast so ha !

he physically cannot say no to you because he flat out adores you

( except when he feels like you’re wrong or being irrational to which he’ll politely correct you and educate you because that’s on what? that’s on having a healthy relationship ♡ )

so when you hit him up at 5:23 in the morning after a series of tiktoks that he has yet to see and react to you about, he’s kinda alarmed

but then again he’s also not ?? because let’s face it, at this point, he’s used to you spamming his inbox

the last thing you sent him two minutes ago was a text saying “bro just imagine this: you and me at a maccas drivethru with two oreo flurry’s and a box of 20 piece chicken nuggets — immaculate”

and you didn’t really expect him to reply?

it was five am and you were absolutely shit talking but when you saw his face time status go online you were just like ?????

akaashi, snapping you a pic of him under his covers with very tired eyes: it’s 5:27 am

you, sending him back a photo of you and the 2000 piece puzzle you spent the last two hours doing: that’s not a no 💅

he doesn’t reply and you’re not really upset by it because he probably just fell asleep and that was really cute to you so !!

but then two minutes later he’s facetiming you and you JUMP at the sudden ringing

he’s all tired and his voice is groggy and tight but he’s still smiling as he says “i’ll see you in ten”

YOU ARE !!!! PUMPED !!!!!

you won the boyfriend lottery , holy hell

now the only thing keeping you from seeing your man and the mcdonald’s sign was the eleven foot gap between your window and the solid concrete

you’d usually take the stairs but you just know that your mom would absolutely murder you for trying to sneak out when you should be asleep 💆‍♀️

it was either climbing out by clawing through the pipes or not being able to give akaashi a hug and you were not gonna let that second one happen

akaashi, after reading your two paragraph rant on how unnatural it was for your window to be that high: please be careful

you, haven’t slept in 32 hours: screw careful ! i embody elegance !!

in which elegance was screaming every time your pipes squeaked because dear mercy you did not want to die yet

akaashi, who just pulled up your drive way and is now seeing you almost fall to the ground:

you, on the verge of tears: please catch me

AND he does 🥺

it was a close call and he barely even made it to you when you chose to let go but HE DID ANYWAYS

you kinda fell on him rather than landing smoothly in his arms but that’s okay you were just glad you didn’t die

when you both get in his car, he just takes a hot sec to dust you off and ask if you’re okay and he’s so concerned please tell him you’re fine

he’s such a baby please i can’t believe this shit

the two of you end up in a mcdonald’s parking lot with doja cat blaring on the radio and you guys do your best to hold back your laughter as you eat

it was pretty cold and the sun was rising but honestly you couldn’t find the urge to care since the moment just felt so surreal

you: i’m sorry for waking you btw 🥺

akaashi, showing you his new lock screen which is the picture he took of you when he first saw you climb out the window:

you: i’m less sorry

bokuto koutaro

BOYFRIEND OF THE MFING YEAR

i accept no arguments, go cry about it

i literally don’t care what anyone has to say, bokuto is the only man ever ? he’s so deserving of every right on earth i’ll cry

the way that this is the third night in a row he’s stayed up til 4 am and he’s not even alarmed about it

like at this point he’s just accepted that he is nocturnal and that’s that on that !

before he actually had the idea to ask you to sneak out for him, he debated whether or not it was worth it

you needed sleep and you barely got any so when he knew you were resting he absolutely refused to message you :(

but then he also thought about how you would love to have a large dunkin iced coffee right now

and he was already getting ready for his morning fix so why not just ask harmlessly?

if you weren’t going to respond then he’d be okay with that because he knew that you were resting well

but if you were going to answer his consecutive texts with a positive reply then HE IS 🥺 over the moon

you, barely awake: can we get a venti triple shot latté instead , my caffeine tolerance is SHOT

bokuto, snapping you back within a minute: babe you are delusional if you think i’m gonna let you drink that

so it’s 5 am and your parents are in the other room asleep but you know that their jobs start pretty early so you had to get a move on

your room wasn’t that high from the ground to be honest, so you weren’t really worried about falling off

what you were worried about was how dizzy and out of depth the melatonin gummies made you because in order to fall asleep you took 3 and now that you basically forced yourself out of a self induced coma, your body was on the verge of passing away

bokuto tells you that he doesn’t mind if you’re not up for the trip and he’d just bring you back your coffee BUT NAH

you’re not a quitter 🤬 you miss your boyfriend and you are gonna do whatever it takes to spend some quality morning time with him !!!!!

so you throw on a proper outfit, make your way through your window and gently do your best to refrain from yelping every time your hand would slip from the railing that’s keeping your balance

bokuto, pulling up seeing you on your roof: you’re so strong 🥺👉👈

you, barely alive: all for you baby ❤️

he helps you get down from where you stood and he had the prettiest smile on earth i SWEAR when you immediately sank in his cold chest

he apologizes for making you sneak out like that BUT NUH UH YOU DO NOT LET HIM

he is a gift !!! and you knew how tired he must’ve been too since he kept yawning but he still took the time and energy to pick you up 🥺

he fastens your seatbelt in the car and puts the windows up because he knew that the air would get in your face and you didn’t like that

he even brought you a spare hoodie of his because he remembered how much you swooned over this particular fabric

bokuto: we’ll get you some coffee but you can sleep while i drive, ok babe?

you, trying not to cry: are you single because i really want to kiss you

bokuto, kissing your cheek: i’m dating someone i’m sorry

[lillian-nator]

Ranch AU

Or, as we all call it, The Cowboy AU 

Essentially, this was something that I created, and it’s gonna be purely fluffy, with a small bit of angst here and there. Any of the angst will be hurt/comfort. It’s meant to make us all feel better after those fucking harsh lore streams. I started it, based off of some shit in the Dad!Schlatt AU, and after that I honestly didn’t write most of it. It had really been a project in the discord, because we were all sad and shit, so if you have some fluff to offer, please do! I am happy to make almost anything canon - and we could always use more ideas. :)

I hope you enjoy some mindless farm boi fluff!

BASIC INFO: 

It's SBI's Ranch (Phil is Dadza, Tommy, Techno, and Wilbur are his sons)

Phil, sells to the local stores, and manages the crops. He doesn't do too much labor anymore. He hired his boys for that.

Dream, SapNap, Purpled, Tubbo, Callahan, and Punz are all hired farm hands

George, Niki, Ranboo, and Fundy work at the shop where they sell their products; Niki makes all of the dairy products, Fundy and Ranboo stock, label prices, and keeps track of sales, and George works customer service with his Gogy magic.

Wilbur works with the sheep, the goats, and he trains the dogs (Collies - they herd sheep), he also works with the crops a lot

Schlatt isn't hired but he might as well be. He can be found wherever Wilbur is, and is probably drinking a beer he stole from Phil. He doesn't get paid, but he eats all of their food.

Tommy works with the cows, the pigs, the chickens, the horses (sometimes), his goose, and the dogs / cats that they own

Tubbo works with Tommy. Essentially. But he also works on the crops, and the bee farm that they have set up.

Techno works with the horses, and is currently training to be a veterinarian.

Dream works on horses with Techno - they race the horses competitively - but otherwise, is where ever he is needed (usually crops)

Purpled works with Tommy and Tubbo. He mostly works with Tubbo on crops and his bee farm.

Punz and SapNap haul things. As your resident Chads, they are in-charge of moving heavy things and doing manual labor.

Callahan is their repair man. He fixes tractors, and machines on a daily basis.

SOME HEADCANNONS: 

HENRY, a saga:

that henry has a matching bandana to the one Tommy has so that everyone knows thats henry. Tommy doesn't like it when people touch henry so henry gets a bandana - Shark -

when Phil first started raising Tommy, he would've never guessed that he would turn out the way he did.

He was loud, and brash, and hit his brothers, and made fun of the neighbor's kids,  but then Tubbo became Tommy's best friend, and then Phil introduced Tommy to the cows.

The cows are Tommy's everything.

When a Bred Heifer is due, he sits with them everyday past their due date - he sat with Betty for 5 days when she wouldn't birth a calf. He was so fucking worried.

When one of his cows are sick, he sleeps in the barn until they get better. His last days with Harvey fucked him up.

Tubbo, Tommy, Purpled, and Ranboo spend long nights at the farm, and Tommy always leans against Henry as he stares up at the stars.

Henry who his best girl (all cows are girls and Tommy doesn't give a shit about gendered names). Henry who wears a matching bandana. Henry who is fluffy, and warm, and Tommy's everything. -

Sometimes when Tommy had a bad day, whether it’s stress, or school, or just whatever, Tommy sleeps in the Henry’s stall with her. Phil has so many pictures of Tommy curled up with Henry. From when she was first born to now. - Eye

Tommy hates winter because that’s the one time of year Phil won’t let him sleep in the barn. Even with the layers and heat lamps it’s too unsafe. Tommy always gets up extra early in the winter. Both because he has to check and break ice in the water troughs but also because he misses his girl - Eye -

Henry's mother, Betty, was the first Cow Tommy had helped during birth. He sat with her for 5 days when she hadn't gone into labor past her due date. It took 9 hours for Henry to be born, and Tommy was there through the entire thing -

Well, almost the entire thing. He was at school for the first hour of labor, and was so pissed at Phil when Phil knew and didn't immediately come get Tommy from School.

It always felt like Tommy and Henry had a special bond because Tommy literally raised Henry from birth. -

They didn't think Henry was gonna make it when she was first born, but Tommy was fucking determined, and bottle fed that cow every single day and night. When she was slowly weened off milk, Tommy got unironically sad that he didn't have to bottle feed her anymore.

He still visited her every morning, and milked her mother at dawn, right after he got eggs from his hens. -

Henry waits for Tommy at the end of their long ass drive way when he gets home from school. She knows that when the bus pulls up that her boy is back and so she’s always there waiting lazily for pets and a nice walk together back to the house. Even when it’s cold and someone is waiting for the kids to get home in an ATV or something Tommy always walks back to the house with Henry - Eye

Thinking about how long these fucking country roads are. And how Tommy and Tubbo have the same bus stop even though Tubbo and Tommy's houses are a couple of miles away. Tommy has to walk a mile to get to the beginning of his driveway, and seeing his favorite girl there is like a reward at the end of a journey. Tommy probably keeps a bag of feed in his backpack, which is just a mixture of grain, hay and corn, and gives Henry a handful to thank her for waiting for him.

Clementine, The Goose: 

Tommy has a goose, and names it Clementine. 

He found her in the woods one day, when she was very young, and he decided he was going to keep Clementine. 

Clementine is only ever nice to Schlatt and Tommy. No one knows why. 

Clementine follows Tommy around. Very endearing. 

Phil doesn’t question it at this point 

NEW MILO, the sequel:

OG Milo is a kitten that Wilbur found on the side of the road, in the rain, and he took the kitten in, trying to save him. Wilbur immediately got attached.

Techno pulled an all nighter, half spent  trying to save OG Milo and the other half comforting Wilbur. "You couldn't have helped, he was too starved and out in the rain for too long." Phil adds that if Techno can't save something, it can't be saved. - Ethan

Wilbur's next cat was named New Milo in honor - Ethan

Anyway, New Milo has three kittens. Blood God, Boots (given to Fundy), and Bumbles (given to Tubbo). They're called the Bees and they were born Christmas Eve - Ethan

BLOOD GOD, the pussy:

Blood God is Techno's cat. Its just a ferall little molly that loves techno too much. - M -

After Techno helped New Milo have her litter, he wasn't originally gonna keep any of the kittens, but he saw this tiny thing with the orange muzzle and just: stole her.

He is also nicknamed Blood God, for both his skill in hunting and healing

He originally named her Piglet because the orange spot looked like a pig snout [the main reason he chose her and not her stronger littermates] but called her Blood God teasingly when he first adopted her

Wilbur didn't realize he meant it as a nickname and told everyone her name was Blood God

Techno still calls her Piglet, but everyone else calls her Blood God because that's the name on her collar.

Most of their cats aren't collared, but Phil made her a custom collar because he was worried she'd get lost hunting with Techno and Dream - Ethan -

Blood God is such a batshit cat. She's a runt, really, oddly small compared to her siblings, and she's their best mouser

She's the cat that everyone leaves scraps for, but never tries to pet out of fear

Often she'll climb up people's legs and sit on their shoulders, and it's the only time you can pet her.

She is very, very affectionate with Techno and he loves her very much. He has her very well trained, and she comes with him and Dream when they go hunting sometimes alongside a terrier.

She's a little itty bitty calico molly and she has an orange patch right over her muzzle - Ethan

TOMMY'S HENS, the chicks:

He gets real defensive of his hens. They lay eggs for him. They deserve to be treated well. -

Tommy does in fact have an egg incubator; Sometimes it's just better. Tommy prefers letting his hens care for their own eggs, but he does still use the incubator - Ethan -

Some chickens enjoy being thrown so they can flap and shit. A few days after passing ownership of the hens to Tommy, Phil is going down to the crops and just sees Tommy chucking his hens and watching them rush back to be thrown again

he feels a hint of "what the hell" but he notes the gentleness tommy does it with and how the chickens seem to be enjoying it and he shrugs and keeps walking - Ethan -

Once Wilbur was helping Tommy with the chickens and he dropped an egg

Unfertilized, of course, but Tommy looked like you'd just punted a toddler

Three years later, Wilbur isn't allowed to touch the eggs anymore

Tommy's paranoid he'll hurt a live one

"Get out." "What - Tommy it was an accident, it was just one egg." "If you aren't gonna treat Phoebe's eggs with care; You can get the fuck out." "Tommy -" "Out." -

the quality chicken eggs depends usually on how the chicken feels. While under his care, the eggs the chickens produced were really good.

Under Tommy's care? Phil's eggs tasted like horseshit in comparison - Ethan -

They have their like, main barn and to the side of it is a little pond. The chicken coops are a little beside it, with the singular duck coop (he only has four ducks) closest. He calls the area the Business Bay

AGES: 

Tommy - 16 Tubbo - 16 Purpled - 17 Ranboo - 17

Techno - 19 Wilbur - 21 Schlatt - 19 Phil - idk like 45 or some dad shit

Fundy - 18 Niki - 19

SapNap - 18 Dream - 19 George - 20 Punz - 19 Callahan - 20

RANDOM HC’S: 

Tubbo, Niki, Ranboo, and Fundy are siblings. -

Whenever they eat meat they talk about who they're eating. 

They tell stories about their day and such but they always start dinner, when its meat, saying "rip lmao" and telling stories about them

...they don’t do it when they eat beef

Everyone sitting down with their plates of ham Wilbur: so who was it? Phil: Fern Tommy, already eating: rest in peace fern Techno: he shat on my boots once -

Each of the boys get a few animals that aren't allowed to be butchered.

Wilbur has Friend, Enemy, and Skit the Bull. (Wilbur wanted to name a Bull "Shit", but Phil said no because Tommy was 11 and already swearing too much for his liking)

Techno has none of the livestock. He only cares about Blood God, and his horses.

Tommy has a pig [currently unnamed], his Hens (6 or 7 of them, that lay eggs), and his dairy cows -

Phil is ALWAYS chewing on straw. -

Tommy, Techno, and Wilbur all call Phil "Pops" or "Pop". They all used to call him "Papa" though. It's like a coming of age thing for the three of them, when they stop calling him "Papa" and start calling him "Pop".

Phil may or may not have cried when Tommy started calling him "Pop" at the age of 12.

ALTHOUGH, all 3 boys know that if you want anything, you call Phil "Papa". Phil can't resist it. -

Techno and Tommy with starry eyes: pops Phil: no Wilbur: Papa Phil, with slightly less confidence: n-no   - Ethan -

Tommy holding a baby calf in his hands that he walls to bring inside for the night because hes in love with her: papa please!! Phil, practically in tears: fine.   - M

[pennylanewrites]

Hi! First of all, CONGRATS!! Do you mind if I join your mini event? Frel free to ignore this message if all the spots are filled! (I'm having trouble with connection, it crashed while I was sending my ask, so sorry if you get this message twice)

I self-ship with Eren from AOT. We met in Marley, at the beginning of season 4, when he infiltrated as a war veteran. I come from a noble marleyan family, but I didn't like the heavy expectations that everyone placed on me, nor my people's attitude towards eldians, so when I was little I started sneaking out to spend time in the internment zone, disguised as an eldian. I was there as usual when he arrived. I helped him up after someone had knocked him over and he looked at me with those big, beautiful eyes and I fell in love instantly. He thanked me, he was so surprised by my kindness. Since that day, I started visiting the hospital every day, because of course I wanted to help, but above all I wanted to see that soldier again...we spent time together, I sat beside him on that bench for hours, talking about whatever came to mind, and I showed him all my favorite places. I brought him with me to the beach, to the festival, we danced together even though it wasn't that easy for him, and I realized I didn't want any of the nobles my parents wanted to pair me with. I only wanted him, even though a marleyan should never even have looked at an eldian twice, even though he said he was "damaged", even though I didn't even know his name. I never hid my feelings for him, but he always told me it was impossible, even if he had feelings for me too. He knew who I was, but he never said anything, so we basically deceived each other for a while, until the day of his attack came...and I realized two things. One, he was the most dangerous enemy of my country. Two, I couldn't stop loving him. After a lot of adventures, we are now in a very loving (and passionate) relationship. We are both very needy and demand cuddles all the time. We sleep in each other's arms every night. We love being outdoors so our dates are usually just...us rolling in a flower field, or taking a bath in the lake or the sea, or something like that. We are currently building a little cabin in the woods to live in! Oh I almost forgot...my name is Mia (she/her) and I have brown hair and green eyes. As for aesthetic and colors...you choose!

Thank you in advance and congrats again!

running away to a far away country together, building a life from nothing, going on small adventures every day only to come back to the warm home you made, raising chickens and sheep and cows, swimming in the river, then sitting by the riverside and eating the pie you made that morning, stray cats coming to your door and you feeding them, eren saying they’re annoying but somehow he’s always found napping with them on the warm grass, eren secretly making a beautiful ring for you, with an amethyst stone he found in a cave, getting married in a small chapel by yourselves, then running off on your ‘honeymoon’ 10 meters away from your cabin, growing old and happy together, thinking this was the best choice of your lives

(spotify links)

18 // one direction

anchor // novo amor

once in a lifetime // one direction

i found // amber run

1k followers celebration (closed)

[gomustanggirl16]

Traitor Cat

Based off this random idea I have that’s a mix of my own two cats, Corona (no we named her after alcohol two years ago but it is a fitting name) and Tanqueray (gin we have a theme). So Tanq is more my cat, she likes cuddles, she likes to sit on my chest and be in my face and does know when I’m not okay and seems to take my anxiety away. Then there’s Corona, my moms cat, who well lets just say I call her a gargoyle because every morning she sits on the end of my moms bed like a gargoyle staring at her in the dark until she gets up.

So that got me thinking of Liho naturally and I had 15 minutes in an MRI machine (it’s fine I’m fine) to think clearly while ignoring the odd bagging against my back that reminded me of a child kicking the back of your seat on an airplane. So here we have Steve meeting Liho for the first time, this takes place right after TWS and this is also one of many forms of the idea and I’ve had wine so bare with me.

It had been long day, hell it had been a long year, Natasha lost her job, her antimony, her apartment, her parents apparently though that had been years ago, and now she was living in Avengers Tower because gaining her aliases back had been harder than ever before and she had started wondering if it was worth trying. But at least she had Liho, stubborn cat she was she’d missed her after leaving her with the Barton’s while she went Russia she’d found she missed the cat and Liho had seemed to miss her to, crying when she went to the farm to pick her up and see the family. 

It was late almost midnight, she’d been tracking a shipment of S.H.I.E.L.D. contraband at the docks that led nowhere, yet. Natasha checked Liho’s bowl her dry food touched, but her wet food she’d asked Tony to put out untouched. That was highly unlike her, but she was still getting used to her new surrounds, now that she wasn’t allowed outside she was going a bit stir crazy, having come into her room the other day carrying one of Tony’s socks collapsing on the floor and proceeding to “kill” it like a mouse. 

Natasha moved to her room, going through the motions as she got ready for bed collapsing into the oversized bed and abundant pillows Liho loved hiding in, slowly drifting off. Next time Natasha woke partially spreading her legs only to pause realizing Liho wasn’t at her usual spot at the end of the bed. She looked at the clock to see it was almost 2:30am and felt a slight panic pulse through her. Liho always came to bed. Even when Natasha didn’t want her to she’d sit outside the door and scratch and meow until she was let it, but there her door stood ajar and no Liho.

“Liho?” Natasha called out, nothing.

“Liho?” Natasha tried again getting out of bed and going to her door.

She went through the penthouse calling Liho but nothing. No reply. Oh no, Tony had been shocked learning she had a cat, and even more so when she’d asked him to feed her. He owed her that, but he wasn’t used to owning pets let alone Liho who tried escaping out the door every time it opened. oh no.

“J.A.R.V.I.S. are you able to track Liho’s movements?” Natasha asked trying not to think about all the possible ways Liho could be trapped or hurt or...

“Yes, reviewing the Tower’s surveillance it seems she got out when Mr. Stark fed her this evening and made her way into Captain Rogers quarters.”

Oh god...Steve had just gotten back from Spain tracking Bucky. They made plans to have breakfast later this morning. She needed to get Liho back upstairs before she gave poor Steve a heart attack. She quickly made her way out to the elevator and punched the button for Steve’s floor. Just like she knew he would his front door was unlocked, and she quietly made her way into the living room.

“Liho!!” Natasha whispered looking through the space for black ball of fur while trying not to wake the soldier. She went room by room until she reached Steve’s bedroom and her stomach knotted, knowing her cat this would be it, it’s door was cracked and she peaked in.

Sure enough there she was curled up at the end of Steve’s bed sound asleep.

“Traitor.” Liho stirred yawning and stretching with a little meow. “shh, come on.”

Instead of Liho following her Liho made her way further up the bed towards Steve’s sleeping form. Don’t you dare. Natasha moved quickly around the bed quickly snatching up the cat as she was about to climb up onto Steve’s chest. She was about to make it out the door before her foot snagged sending searing pain through her foot and her to the floor.

“F***”

“What the Hell?” Natasha looked up and turned on her back to see Steve rubbing his eyes as he looked down at where she was on the floor.

“Natasha? Are you okay?” He got up realizing what had happened, helping her up off the floor.

“I’m fine, you know you should really keep that thing on the wall or between your night stand and your bed.” She said looking at his shield now laying in the middle of the floor.

“Yeah, wouldn’t want people tripping over it in the middle of the night who weren’t already here when I went to bed. Speaking of, what are you doing in my room?” 

Natasha hesitated, her eyes traying just a bit down his bare torso to where his sweats hung low on his hips-

“Nat?”

“Right-shit where’d she go?” Natasha looked around realizing Liho was gone again. She had to be around here somewhere though.

“Where’d who go? Nat are you sure you’re okay? Even for you this is a little strange.” She frowned getting back on the floor to look under his bed.

“Liho!” She hissed but the only thing there was a duffle bag. “You got any lunch meat? Ham preferably. She doesn’t like cold chicken.”

“There’s a sandwich in the fridge...” Steve replied now more confused than ever. I mean he did wake up to her in her pajamas tripping as she tried to make her escape from his bed room.

She made it to the fridge her foot still stung but she pushed it away as she opened his fridge.

“Nat why don’t you sit down let me take a look at your foot.” Steve tried to insist as he came out putting on a zip up.

She found the remaining hoggie in the fridge and sat down on the stool at the island as Steve went through the freezer for an ice pack,

“Liho, momma’s got ham!” She heard Liho’s distinct chirp before the cat jumped sliding across the counter to get her treat. 

She watched Steve jump looking back in the direction Liho had come from then to Liho her self as she tore the thin slices of ham up into smaller bites for Liho. Poor thing was starving.

“Where-whose cat is this?” Steve asked dumbfounded as Liho devoured the ham from his sandwich.

“Steve meet Liho, my traitor cat.” Liho slept with no one not even the Barton kids but her and she was incredibly picky, yet here she was, cozy as could be with Steve.

“Why were you and Liho in my bedroom?” Steve asked again as Liho went over to him head butting his stomach to get him to pet her.

“Because I asked Tony to put some wet food out for her while I was working and he let her get out. I told him she’s sneaky and can’t be trusted, but she still got out. I didn’t noticed until half an hour ago when I woke up and she wasn’t in bed. J.A.R.V.I.S. was the one who told me she’d made it in here. Not sure how long but I found her sleeping on your bed with you and not me.”

Liho seemed completely un-phased as she started purring as Steve paid her attention.

“Probably should have realized there was something in my bed, but Sam and I spent the last three days wide awake and I crashed.” He did look tired really tired.

“I know, I’m sorry I woke you, but she was about to use you as a bed and she likes to lay across your neck until you can’t breathe.” He frowned looking at the cat that was now propping herself up on his chest trying to paw at his face to get his attention back on her.

“So it’s true what they say, pets are their owners.”

“I resent that, I don’t own her, we live together.” Had for two years now.

“That why you refer to yourself as her mother?”

“Oh so you’re cheeky when your half asleep huh?” Truth was it was Clint who started that and it just snuck into her vocabulary.

“So you say. How come I never knew you had a cat?”

“There was no reason to tell you.”

“How did you manage that you were gone so much?”

“Oh Nick would watch her for me.” Steve raised an eyebrow at that and she laughed, “Don’t tell him I told you, but he is quite the cat person, has one himself, used to follow him around hang out at S.H.I.E.L.D. but she passed away a few years ago, so you wouldn’t have seen her.”

“Well alright then. Say what does Liho mean? It’s Russian but I don’t think I’ve heard it.”

“The embodiment of evil fate and misfortune.”

“That’s a terrible name for a cat.”

“Its supposed to be ironic, she’s been everything but for me. I can shut everyone out, but she still wiggles her way in. There are days where I can’t get out of bed, and if I have nowhere to be, I had no reason to, but she won’t let me. She cries and won’t leave me be until I get up, even runs to the shower because she likes to play with the water left in the tub and if I turn it on, I’m not going to waste water. Granted most people think that’s just her hungry and wanting to make a mess, but she’s been my reason for getting up now more than ever. God I felt so scared when I realized she was gone, and a little betrayed. I’m sorry I have no idea why I just told you all of that.”

She looked away from him then playing with Liho’s tail to get her attention.

“You know if I stop looking for him-for Bucky I sometimes think I might go insane. Nat we just destroyed the one infrastructure we had...animals know this.”

“Yeah they do. Last time I leave her with Tony.”

Steve laughed a little shaking his head.

“Not to speak i’ll of the man currently housing us for free, but he can barely feed himself Nat.”

“Yeah, I mean he did what I asked, he just underestimated her willingness to go outside.” Steve smiled at her giving Liho one last pet.

“So, we still on for Breakfast? I know it’s three am now, but I don’t know about you but I’m not going back to sleep.”

“I could go for something to eat, let me cook, I was going to already, but now I think I really should since I woke you up by breaking into your bedroom.”

“Sounds good to me. Come on Liho,” Steve picked her up and Liho settled into his arms like a ragdoll.

Natasha would later recall that as the night she started to fall for him, the way Liho reacted to him, like she was telling her Steve was it, he was the one.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 191

191

   Lance spent every moment he could before they left making sure the house was cleaned from top to bottom, then bottom to top. The nursery had gotten his blood flowing again, Pidge roped into playing delivery person for him as he fixed up his garden, mulched and pruned, then scolded himself over spending so much money. Then there was Pidge’s birthday party that they’d nearly missed as Lance had let the days of the week slip by. If it hadn’t been for Hunk, they would have been fined a hefty present tax, and had Pidge teasing them for the rest of their lives. The party was small, games and alcohol, Lance trying to do the catering, while Hunk tried to make sure he got in and did everything that needed to be done before Lance could do it. Moving felt better than sitting still. Keith letting him work until he was too tired, then would force feed him as he put him down for a nap... from which Lance would wake up and find himself cleaning again.

  Deep cleaning the house felt good. Keith putting up with hanging the washing out, then bringing it in. Everything from the linen cupboard hit with vinegar washes to kill any mould particles that thought they had a right to make themselves at home. The only room to escape was Matt’s and Rieva’s, as they were entitled to their privacy, and Rieva was being fussy over how many hours he was spending on his feet. He’d been banned from cooking by her, and even having to get up to pee earned him a scowl over being on his feet. She’d smacked when he’d tried to mow the lawn, pretty much chasing him back inside and forcing him to leave his precious lawn half mowed. He was an old man robbed of his pleasure as far as he was concerned. Sure, he was plenty sleepy during the day, but once he’d been stung with cleaning bug, it left him feeling useful, and being outside meant he didn’t have to listen to Rieva scolding Keith for letting him do too much.

  Honestly, when they’d left the house for their trip, the only thing he was sad about was leaving Blue and Kosmo behind. The pair seemed to think that his cleaning was for their benefit. They’d taken to playing in the middle of night, which spilled over into Blue less than ceremoniously waking them by jumping on Keith’s head as Kosmo barrelled up the bed to get to her. The pair thick as thieves and Blue not afraid to use her humans as a convenient escape. The drive was something like 6 hours, with Keith being on edge over how he’d react to being in the outside world again. His ego putting Lance’s ego on edge, leaving them having a spat just as they’d put their bags in the back of Lance’s bronco. Lance had faith that Keith could do this. Keith had anxiety gushing out of every pore by the bucket load. When Keith snapped at him, Lance had snapped back twice as hard.

  This led to a very tense first hour of driving. No radio. No snacks. No talking. There were plenty of snacks packed. All the snacks and drinks within hands reach sat on the backseat. Hunk had baked cookies, and sent along a bag with them, that they were absolutely not allowed to open until they reached the hotel. Their planned six hours seemed so long, until they reached the first unplanned stop on their trip. Keith pulling in at a service station, Lance knowing instantly that his boyfriend had to know he needed to pee. Even when they fought, Lance knew Keith still had his best interests in mind.

  With breaks in almost every small town they passed through, Lance felt like he’d peed his way half way up America. They’d stopped for lunch at a kind of backwards diner off the main road. The food greasy, the milkshakes icy, but the company made up for it. Being alone with Keith felt soothing, despite the shaky start. He didn’t have to adult. He didn’t have to run around after anyone. He didn’t have to worry about the tiny flecks of dust that seemed to have it their personal mission to settle almost immediately after he’d dusted. All he had to worry about was Braxton-Hicks contractions that worried him a whole heck less now he’d been through real ones, their twins spinning summersaults, and Keith’s terrible choice in music... that’d he’d never admit to secretly loving, especially when Keith would seem to forget he wasn’t alone and start singing along.

  Seeing Keith smile, and having his whole attention sent Lance’s ego into some kind of blissful state. His scent filling the car, accidentally, as he found himself getting horny from watching Keith be so happy. Keith teasing him as he pulled off the main road at the first available chance, for some very awkward car prepping in which Lance got a leg cramp and Keith smacked his head on the sun visor. It then progressed to out of the car sex, Lance lost in bliss all over again at the feeling of Keith’s hands over his skin as his head swam, drunk on Keith’s scent. He hadn’t known what he’d missing, or maybe he had, and that’d contributed to him discovering that he didn’t mind Keith biting his neck, or nipping at his nipples hard enough Lance was sure he’d end up pierced by Keith’s fangs. He’d been so caught up in cleaning, that being intimate had slipped the last few days. He’d become such a slut for Keith’s undivided attention that he could have purred contently, like a fat cat whole stolen a whole bottle of milk for himself.

  He hadn’t told his boyfriend, but he’d packed to play a girl depending on the kind of town it was. He looked female enough to pass. No fake chicken fillets were required to fill out a brallet anymore. He’d packed a wig, and a dress, kind of embarrassed over both, yet willing to face the embarrassment if it meant making the trip easier for his boyfriend. When they’d climbed back into his car, Keith was all smiles as Lance curled into him, ignoring his own rules over seatbelts and sitting properly in a car. He didn’t need to fear his car rolling over, not with Keith behind the wheel, plus leaning against Keith meant kisses on the top of his head as Keith drove, Lance unable to offer to drive thanks to no longer fitting comfortably and a new fear that they would crash and he’d lose the twins if his stomach impacted against the steering wheel. This was really nice. Just a vampire and his werewolf boyfriend off on a life changing trip, and some alone time, until they were party crashed in a couple of days by humans. Yeah. It was nice.

    *

The hotel was a piece of shit and Keith hated it. The town he’d once apparently called home, now verged on some kind of city. The sign in boasting a population of 3000 people, though you wouldn’t know it with sheer amount of people at the hotel. Kids were yelling as they played in the tiny pool in the centre of the U-shaped complex. Parents yelling at their spawn. Their room was upstairs, and the bedding so basic it made his bedroom look fancy. For a hotel boasting about being the only one in town, they had nothing to boast about. Every noise seemed to drift right and through their room.

  Late to check in, Lance offered to go in, Keith shaking his head at the offer. He could totally handle one 2 minute interaction. Said interaction blowing out to 20 minutes, with far too many questions asked. No. He wasn’t there on a get away for Easter. No. He didn’t have kids. No. He didn’t have a wife. Yes. His eyes were an unusual shade of purple. He didn’t know what the old man behind the check in counter got from his interrogation, but he was lucky Keith didn’t snap with how tired he was. He didn’t blame Lance for the numerous stops they’d made, but he did think that maybe they should have split the drive and found somewhere to camp overnight, with less fucking people around.

  Coming waddling out the bathroom, Keith noted Lance had packed his own robe. His stomach on display, with the looped belt sitting just below his breasts. Their room was so “Lance-esque” that his boyfriend blended right in with brown shag pile carpet, khaki bedspread and orange flowered wallpaper. Being Lance, his boyfriend had fixed the dripping shower, instead of simply complaining to management. Keith annoyed his boyfriend didn’t care that the hotel wasn’t great. He was certain he’d heard more than one couple doing the do well into the hours of the morning when normal people should be sleeping. Hell. He should be sleeping. All the scents and sounds, coupled with a boyfriend hogging the blankets had made for a long night.

  Seeing him watching, Lance shot him a smile. Opening his arms, Keith made straight for Lance. The vampire chuckled as he kissed Keith’s hair

“Come on, it’s not all bad”

“It’s not all that good either”

“I know. It’s only for a few days”

“This place is awful”

“It’s not getting a good Yelp review, but it’s not completely horrendous”

This was no place for his pregnant mate. A budget hotel room with a TV smaller than Lance’s laptop, and way too many people

“How do you think this isn’t horrendous?!”

“Because you’re here”

   Lance’s sincere answer made him splutter, Lance chuckling at him as he kissed his hair

“I know it’s not what you expected, but it’s not forever”

“There’s so many people...”

“I know. It’s a lot for your senses. Why don’t you take a shower? We were both too tired last night, and I want to go get something decent to eat. Maybe find you some coffee?”

Coffee sounded good. Showering sounded like too much effort, but after tossing and turning all night, it’d feel good to feel clean of their bedding

“Okay...”

“Don’t take too long though. Your kids are seriously craving pancakes and I might have to stab someone if I don’t get them soon”

Keith gave a weak chuckle, not at all looking forward to the outside world

“We can’t have that. Get dressed and I’ll be out in a bit”

   The shower ran out of hot water halfway through. Keith kicking the wall tiles hard enough that he cracked the tile that took the main impact. Not that he felt bad about in the slightest. When he’d been on the streets, even a place like this would have been heavenly. Now he’d gotten used to being pampered by Lance and the niceness of Platt. He’d been spoiled. He shouldn’t be expecting city niceties in a backwards town like this.

  With a towel barely bigger than a hand towel around his waist, Keith walked back into the bedroom to find Lance had gotten dressed. He’d stumbled to a stop as he stared at his boyfriend. Lance was in a dress. An actual flowy white dress. A wig of long brown hair flowed down past his shoulders. Catching him staring, Lance sighed at him

“Don’t look at me like that”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re confused. Our friends might be okay with me being pregnant, but I don’t want people making assumptions and being rude as fuck”

  They could go fuck themselves sideways as far as Keith was concerned. Lance was Lance. Lance didn’t love wearing dresses and hiding himself... He shouldn’t have to, either

“You dressed like that for me? You didn’t have to...”

“It’s fine, babe”

“But you’re a man...”

“Who’s currently pregnant and just wants his pancakes in peace. Besides, I like to think I look cute”

He did... but it was so freaking weird. Lance was Lance... and now he suddenly had a girlfriend in place of the man he loved

“You always look cute, but I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I don’t want you to feel you have to hide away”

“I know. Look, I figured it’d be easier for these poor country folks. Or don’t you like it? I mean, I can change, but I’m okay for now... more importantly, you know that’s the bath mat you’ve got around your waist, right?”

  No. Why hang it up if it was meant for the floor?! Keith’s cheeks flamed, scrambling for an excuse he pathetically replied

“It does the job”

Lance could only shake his head at him. Keith feeling that was fair

“I did pack our towels. I thought you’d like something more familiar from home. I just didn’t think to grab them”

Lance meant he hadn’t thought to grab them as he rushed off to vomit. Keith copping both the wet noises and the scent. Neither making him feel all that good about their “holiday”

“I’m going to get dressed. Please tell me you’ve found where we can get coffee?”

“As if I’d make you wait for coffee. There’s a restaurant not far from here”

  Thank god for that. He had no idea how this was all going to work, or when they’d be finding his dad’s grave. Now that they were here, he didn’t know how he felt. Yes, he was glad to be there with Lance. But at the same time, everything outside the confines of their crappy room scared him. Logically no one would recognise him. Not when anyone who’d last seen him had seen him as a little kid, but he still feared it. He feared someone from the past coming up to him to say “Oh my god! Are you Keith? I remember when your father died...”. He didn’t want to be remembered. He didn’t want the awkwardness or pity from some stranger. He didn’t even know if he wanted to stay in town long enough for Curtis and Shiro to join them. He did know he wanted to find the shack he’d called home... but even then, he didn’t know what he’d do when he did. All of it felt too much, but all of it would bring some kind of closure. That was if he listened to Lance... Lance who was annoyingly right more times than not. All he could do was hope that he was strong enough to see this through, and that Lance would remain by his side, no matter how he might react.

[thestarkerisobvious]

The Thing That Lives Under The Bed

                  art by @starker-stories​          story for @mrstarksbaby​

                                                              Chapter Two:  Fifteen

4:  Masters.  Rivals.  Lovers.

Bit by bit Peter pieced it together, from the stories he heard while nestled in Tony’s arms to the multiple pilgrimages to libraries in the long Spring and Summer when Tony was gone.  

Simeon the Elder was the only name Tony produced that appeared in any history books, and was said to have died on September 2nd, 459 AD, although Tony claimed to have “vexed” him for more than a decade.  But his stories of Bishop Berthwald, that had tasked him to do it, made it sound like he had served in the “realm of men” for decades, maybe even a century, before that. Tony’s sense of time made it difficult to calculate.

It was in the monastery that the books existed to “Conjure” him to the realm of men,  although sometimes he described them as scrolls.  Certainly they would have been copied into books by the second century, Peter’s research said.  

It was hard to say what surprised Peter the most, that it was a monastery full of Christian monks that had summoned the demons to earth in the first place, or the fact that Tony’s main job had been to watch over the henhouse.

“But there were many of us then, so many.  We had different tasks.  All of us were conjured to protect the monastery against raiders, but when the walls were finished there was little need for that.  Some of us built bridges, others great towers.  Many spread themselves over the oceans to bring back news of oncoming storms.  Some could travel over borders and spy in the courts of kings…”

But what kings, and what borders Peter could never determine, nor could he find the name of the monastery that Tony spoke of.  Whatever names he knew were not the names that were recorded in history.  

“We were so strong then, we were so well-fed.  Entire fields of cattle were dedicated to our consumption, and the bodies of apostates and heretics and enemies.  And we feasted upon the vapors from the infernal regions from which we came,” Tony had explained one night as he held Peter in his arms, Peter’s back pressed against Tony’s chest. Peter had no idea what “vapors from the infernal region” tasted like, but he remembered how Tony’s arms had tightened and his mouth began licking and kissing against Peter’s shoulder, neck, and ear.  Whatever that kind of feeding was, it made Tony hungry just thinking about it.

“Many times a year.  Walpurgisnacht, All Hallows Eve, the night before the Christ mass.  That magic is long lost, it was lost before the monastery fell. But it was good.  Many spirts still roam the earth at All Hallows Eve, seeking someone who knows the ritual of the Great Feast.  I was so strong then.  I took the form of a human and lived feigned that way for years, even in summer months, made strong with that power.  Brother Herman disguised me as an acolyte and kept me in his monk’s cell for years.”

“To do what?”

“To be his lover.”

Peter was glad he was facing away from Tony then, he didn’t want the man to see his face just then.

“How did you escape?  From Brother Herman?”

“I did not escape.  I did not wish to escape.  Simeon the Elder had broken with the brotherhood and left the monastery, and I was summoned to find him.  When I reported he had become a stylite with dozens of disciples the Bishop was furious. I was sent to vex him.  I lived at his side for nearly a dozen years…”

“Wait.  Is that how he lived on a pillar for so long?  With magic?”

“No.  People. The people provided him with everything he needed.  They came from miles around to see him.  They would have brought him anything, provided him anything.   My poor sorrowful scholar.  He joined the monastery because he craved solitude.  He left the monastery because he craved solitude.  He climbed to the top of the pillar certain he had found solitude – and an entire village worth of people formed around the pillar to celebrate his solitude.  How he suffered.”

This was the first time, Peter discovered, that Tony had learned the trick of causing an emotion in a human, then feeding off the emotion.  He would frighten Simeon with terrifying images, then feed upon the fear.  Or give him erotic dreams and feed upon the morning guilt.  (“Oh he loved it when I played the shy novice, craving touch but not knowing how to ask for, how he loved teaching me the art of touch, over and over and over again,” Tony murmured, his lips brushing against Peter’s neck.  Peter pretended not to notice.)  Or drain the man of his fear of large crowds so much that he would forget he feared large crowds, only to descend into the village that had grown up around his pillar, be filled with hatred and fear, and then ascend the pillar to feed Tony once again.

“For twelve years you did this?”

“I cared for him so.  Drank the pain and diseases from his body and took away his desires to hurt himself. He fed me in questions, so many questions.  We spoke, we disputed, we discussed for hours under the night sky.  Berthwald desired him to return to the monastery, return to his bed.  I did not wish him to go.  The brotherhood despised his constant questions.  I loved them.”

“Did you… disobey the Bishop?”

“I could not disobey; Berthwald’s magics were too strong.  But he never directed me to convince Simeon to return to the monastery, only vex him until he returned.  I only did what I was told.

“I convinced him to throw himself from the pillar, this I was tasked to do.  But I was not tasked to let him fall.  I protected him, only let him break a few bones.  Feasted on his pain.  Nursed him back to health.  For so long we lived this way,” Tony said lovingly.  Peter wasn’t sure if he was jealous or horrified.

“Until the Bishop made you kill him?  That’s just terrible!”

“I took him gently.  Took all the light from his mind, so that he would not suffer.  I loved him so.  But not as much as Berthwald.  When I returned to report of his death the bishop fell into a fit of grieving.  He cast me into the ground.  And there I stayed.  The next time I was summoned it was to the shores of the new world, and I was the servant of Ebenezer Post.  

“But that’s so wrong… he was in love with Simeon, and he made you kill him, and then punished you for killing him.”

Tony shrugged his shoulders.  It was strange, feeling that gesture as Tony held him close.  He had felt it often.  Tony seemed to take every decision the monks at the monastery made as a matter of course.

“If only he had stayed with the order until Michaelmass of that year he left, of was the year after?  Each of us were forbidden to harm any of the monks that dwelled within the monastery.  That was powerful magic, bindings of that caliber were almost impossible to break.  It was a common thing among us, for the monks to send us out to kill other monks.  “To creep into the beds of rival lovers, or beloveds that had fled their beloveds.  If a spirit was fed and powerful, we could consume the entire body, making it disappear right under the blankets before the sun rose.”

“It need not be painful,” Tony said, when Peter shuttered in his arms. “If they did not wish their beloved to suffer.  First you must consume the light from their brainpan,” he said tenderly, combing his finger’s through Peter’s hair.  “Then the light from their organs, one at a time,” he put his hand over Peter’s heart, then ran in slowly downward.  “Unless you were told to make them suffer.  Then you did it in reverse…”  

“Stop,” Peter snapped, and Tony removed his hand from where it was caressing over his stomach, and moving lower.  

Of course, he had wanted Tony to stop talking, not touching him…

But there was no way to tell him that, so they just stopped talking altogether.  It was a tactic Peter took many times that winter.  When things became too complicated, he just close his eyes and went to sleep, letting Tony feed again. The feedings had to happen nightly and lasted for hours.  Tony said it was because Peter wouldn’t let him prey on the animals that lived nearby.  

But it was winter, and mostly the only animals Tony asked for were the cats and dogs.

That was why Peter only allowed Tony to take them back to the dream of the castle a few more times.  Tony couldn’t really feed there anyway.  When they were there they spent most of the time exploring the castle hand in hand, Peter telling Tony every detail of the book Dracula, Tony describing the monastery he had lived in and the similarities of architecture.  But they always wound up back in the ornate bedroom, and Peter wasn’t entirely comfortable there.  There always seemed to be voices there, echoing in the other rooms, solemnly intoning things Peter didn’t want to hear.  Besides, Tony always seemed to want something there, something Peter didn’t understand and was afraid to ask.

Besides, Peter reasoned by daylight, why did they have to meet in dreams at all now?  They spoke just as easily awake as asleep.  (And that, secretly, was the reason he didn’t allow Tony to take him there anymore.  Things had changed the night they spoke in the castle, changed drastically. When Peter went to sleep Tony could barely speak in sentences of three words, when he woke up Tony was speaking in paragraphs.  All because of what they had done in the dream.  If they did something else in the dream, what else would change?)

It had been February 2nd when Tony was strong enough to climb upon to the bed.  In very short order winter began fading away and longer days made Tony weaker.  Night after night he would cling to Peter, sometimes to hungry to speak, feeding from his wrist or his fingers for endless hours. Tony would appear to him shirtless, and Peter would wear his short-sleeve pajamas wrapping his arms around Tony’s frail body, giving him all the skin-to-skin comfort he could manage. (Peter wanted to take off his own shirt.  Every night he promised himself he would, but when Tony arrived he always chickened out.)  Soon they realized there was no helping it, Tony would have to go back to darkness to sleep until the fall.  

“I should have been yours until Walpurgisnacht,” he moaned.  “As you grow older you will be stronger.  As you grow stronger, I will grow stronger. Read the books that make you cry, the ones that make you laugh, the ones that make you angry.  You must feed me so much when I return to you.  I’ll grow strong.  I’ll stay.”

Those were the nights that Peter found himself holding Tony and not the other way around.  Stroking his hair and his face and kissing his forehead.  Squeezing him tight, tangling their legs together, holding him until his arms ached.  Letting Tony lap his tongue into his mouth for as long as he wanted.  Promising Tony, over and over, that he would eat a lot and exercise constantly, making himself strong for when Tony finally returned. “And I’ll read a lot, I’ll read so much, lots and lots of books to make me sad,” he promised.  “And books about the endangered animals, and animals going extinct, they make me so angry.  I’ll read them all, I promise.”

“Will you cry for me?” Tony whispered.  It was almost April, and his voice was becoming very faint.  He licked a long wet stripe up Peter’s cheek and over his eye.  They both grinned at the joke.  They had both agreed that, when Tony was licking his face, crying was impossible.

“I’ll try,” Peter whispered against Tony’s mouth, parted his lips willingly when Tony’s tongue sought him out.

It was difficult, in those moments, to remember that Tony wasn’t really kissing him, but merely feeding.

Especially when Tony’s hand cupped his face with gentle tapered fingers, or combed those fingers through his hair.

Especially when Tony held him close.

----------------------------------------------

Peter turns 16 soon.

But for that chapter you will have to wait until next week.

-----------------------------------------------

Master Post

[makomori]

ONE | NEW TERRITORY (Brand New Story)

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI x OC

Nishimura Yua has to take her nephew to his first rep practice with the Tohoku Tigers at Shiratorizawa Academy. Ushijima Wakatoshi is filling in for the assistant coach on said team.

She’s recovering from a nasty breakup and he’s reeling from a stunning finals loss against the Jackals.

Yua’s drawn to his composure and honesty.

Wakatoshi finds her warmth and tenacity intriguing.

It’s the start of a Brand New Story; can they heal from past hurts and endure new challenges in order to help each other trust and love again?

Length: 2.4k words

It's been nearly a month since the Schweiden Adlers lost to the MSBY Black Jackals in the V.League finals. Wakatoshi is reflecting on his performance when he receives an interesting proposal from his old coach.

Much love to @chuckhansen​ for encouraging my chicken little ass to post this. After 24601 years, I finally finished a chapter! And it’s about your favourite opposite lefty, Ushijima Wakatoshi! I absolutely ADORE him, and I’ve been running with this idea since March. The title is from Exile Generation’s song, “Brand New Story”. I highly recommend checking it out b/c it’s an amazing BOP. 

This is eventually going to be a multi-chapter, Ushiwaka x OC fic b/c our Super Ace deserves all the love in the world! This is definitely a rough draft, and I welcome constructive feedback or any reactions! I’m catching up with the manga, so I’ll be making changes along the way. I hope you enjoy reading b/c I had so much fun writing it. 🥰🥺

Wakatoshi’s morning jog was hard. Physically, he could have easily run for another ten kilometers, but his mind kept pulling him back to the safety and warmth of his unmade bed. Annoyed that a steady and peaceful rhythm was out of his reach, he grudgingly circled back to his complex. But by the time he made it up the steps to his apartment, he was breathing hard.

Looks like he needed more rest after all.

Before going in, Wakatoshi took note of the nearly empty bowls of kibble and water beside his front door. He needed to refill them soon. There were several stray cats in the neighbourhood, and he always tried to feed as many as he could while he was home. They gravitated to him when he first moved in, which he thought odd because he didn’t have any experience with cats, or any animals, as a child. He enjoyed their company, though, as they were independent and showed affection once a bond was formed. He wasn’t the easiest person to interact with, so he appreciated the simplicity of his relationship with them.

Sighing, he unzipped his sweater and tossed it absently on the dark green counter top. The apartment was bigger than initially wanted, but his mother insisted that he’d regret it if he chose something smaller. She said that it was always good to have extra room in case people came over. He wanted to tell her that he wouldn’t have much time to entertain considering he would be on the road for games. However, when he realized the extra space would mean that she would always be comfortable during visits, he quickly put an offer in for the apartment.

The troublesome feeling of guilt tugged at him as he thought of his mother. He hadn’t spoken to her in a few weeks. Not since the Adlers loss to the Jackals in the V.League finals. Actually, he needed to touch base with several people in addition to her. Leaning against the counter, he thumbed through his phone until his messages popped up.

20 unread texts stared at him earnestly. The latest one was from Kageyama.

We should practice soon. Let me know when you’re free.

No apologies or words of comfort. He appreciated that. It seemed that Kageyama had already cut his losses and was getting ready for next season. He only knew of a few people that bounced back that quickly; Kageyama’s stubbornness and adaptability was an invaluable asset on the court.

The next message was from Romero.

Hey, Lefty. Drinks on me next time.

Wakatoshi wasn’t a huge drinker, but he enjoyed spending time with Romero. He was supportive and sociable, traits that he hoped would come easier to him one day.

Tendou was next.

Don’t get too down, Toshi-kun! I’ll buy you all the Hayashi rice you want the next time I’m in Sendai.

That made him chuckle. Tendou must be really worried about him if he was willing to take a break from his chocolatier apprenticeship just go out for dinner in their hometown.

The rest of the messages were of a similar nature. Sympathies and offers to hang out when he was available. People were genuinely concerned for him, and he was grateful. He hoped he didn’t worry his them too much with his lack of response.

Normally, he responded to any messages immediately, but he wanted a bit of peace after a long season. A month, however, was pushing it. After downing a glass of orange juice, he decided to respond to them methodically after a short nap and a hot shower. He flopped ungracefully on the couch and stretched his long legs out, calves protesting slightly at the movement.

Wakatoshi closed his eyes and hoped sleep would come, but his thoughts were pulled back to the final set against the Jackals. Everyone knew the match would be a close one. The players on both teams were talented, competitive, and exceedingly stubborn. The Adlers had been the champions for the last three years, but the Jackals were eager to claim that title for themselves. Once the team found out who their opponents were, they prepared to play hard through all five sets.

Because the Jackals would do the same.

Wakatoshi was more than excited for the match, as he always relished the chance to play the best of his contemporaries. He was especially looking forward to paying Hinata back for snatching his last chance to go to the Spring Tournament seven years ago. Wakatoshi couldn’t wait to test the redhead’s newfound skills against his own. They had both evolved into formidable players since their last encounter.

But the Jackals still surprised him, despite having played them twice during the regular season. He had spent hours analyzing their strengths, weaknesses, and overall playing style. The Adlers were deadly in their precision and technical prowess, but the Jackals matched that with their unpredictability and tenacity. Miya’s charisma leant itself well to his unconventional spikers. Bokuto, Sakusa, and Hinata were the personification of baseless confidence and relentless determination. Wakatoshi’s most disliked traits.

The Adlers won the first two sets: 25-22 and 25-23.

The coaching staff was fairly confident that they team would take the final set and the match itself, with his, Houshiumi’s, and Romero’s spikes at textbook perfection. But Wakatoshi knew better. From across the court, he felt the energy shift in the Jackals’ team huddle. He could tell Hinata was rallying his team with some choice words; Bokuto was getting worked up, along with Sakusa. They weren’t going out quietly, and frankly, Wakatoshi would’ve been disappointed if they didn’t put up a fight.

The Jackals took the next two sets: 28-26 and 25-23.

Like most players Wakatoshi didn’t like being pushed to the fifth set, as switching courts halfway could effectively kill any hard-earned momentum. He scored the first few points of the set, connecting with Kageyama’s tosses like he always did. But a feeling a dread crept to the front of his mind once he felt that shift of energy again.

It started with Hinata and quickly spread to the rest of his team. The time he spent with Oikawa in Brazil had changed him. He was faster, smarter, and even more fearless than the first time they played. Wakatoshi had to stop himself from admiring his skill and presence. Miya had a grin on his face every time he set to the redhead. Few setters had the chance to work with a wing spiker like Hinata.

The Jackals disrupted the flow of the game with two hard volleys to the back corners of the court on the second hit. The placement confused the back-line players because the ball’s trajectory was on that razor-thin line of in and out. Indecision cost them two crucial points. Then, Sakusa forced him to dig for a few a tips that were just outside of his reach.

And shockingly, he was forced to tip when he realized that he couldn’t power his way through an impenetrable three-man block. It was sloppy and picked up with ease by the libero. This was new territory for him, and he normally wouldn’t have minded, but the unforgiving pace of the fifth set didn’t allow him enough time to adjust to their tactics.

The Jackals won the final set. 25-23. Hinata’s final kill blasted through a hole through his, Sokolov’s, and Romero’s outstretched arms.

Wakatoshi had never been one to dwell on the past, but he couldn’t help but remember his final loss against Karasuno seven years ago. He looked over at Hinata, who was currently dog-piled under his teammates and coaching staff. Their celebration was drowned out by the roaring and unruly crowd, shocked at the defeat of the defending champions.

The little redhead managed to best him again.

No. He was the Little Giant now.

Wakatoshi was still recovering from the outcome when Romero gently nudged his shoulder and said it was time to line up. The man’s darkly stubbled face was sweaty and flushed, probably not unlike his own. But he gave him a solid thump on his back and complimented his spikes before walking past, and it was all Wakatoshi could do to hold his head up high and line up with the rest of the team.

That was a month ago, he thought angrily, resting his forearm over his eyes. The pressure was somewhat comforting. Move on. He hated that he was still dwelling on this loss. That wasn’t like him. He felt out of place for the last month, unsure of how to process his feelings. He hated that even more. Why? He was already a champion, so why was this loss different? Was it because he failed in his duty as the Adlers’ Ace?

Or was it because Hinata beat him again?

His last coherent thought before he finally drifted off to sleep was a fierce promise that he would continue to push forward and improve.

No matter what stood in his way.

~

Riiiiing. Riiiiing. Riiiiing. Riiiiiii—

Wakatoshi turned over, causing the phone on his chest to fall face down onto the floor. The loud thud brought him back to reality. He rubbed his eyes gently with the heel of his hand. How long had he slept? And who was calling him? He briefly considered ignoring the call, but then remembered his decision to reach out to people again. Might as well start now. But by the time he reached his phone, the ringing had stopped. His brow furrowed when he saw the name pop up for the missed call.

SAITOU-SENSEI.

Curious, Wakatoshi sat up and pressed the call button.

“Hello?”

“Saitou-sensei, it’s Wakatoshi-kun. I’m sorry I missed your call.” He smiled when the warm, familiar voice echoed in his ear.

“Oh, not to worry! I’m sure you wanted some peace and quiet after a busy season.”

“Yes,” he stated, leaning back on the plush cushions. “It’s good to be home.”

The excitement in his coach’s voice was instant. “Ah, I was hoping you’d say that! I know it’s last minute, but would you be interested in helping me coach a middle school rep team on Saturday?”

“Coach?” He echoed. Saturday was two days away.

“Just for this Saturday,” his sensei clarified. “My assistant is sick and having an extra pair of hands at practice is never a bad thing.”

Wakatoshi nodded in agreement. Having two coaches was always a benefit to the players. He learned as much from Saitou-sensei as he did Washijiou-sensei during his time at Shiratorizawa. “Where are you holding practice?”

He could hear the smile in sensei’s voice. “Home court. Shiratorizawa Academy. It’s from 1 to 4 in the afternoon.”

Wakatoshi’s eyes widened. He was going to already going to say yes because it was Saitou-sensei asking, but that solidified his decision. “If it’s acceptable, I’d like to be there at 11 to warm up. I haven’t played in a month.” He paused and tried to think of another way to help. “I can set the net up as well.”

“That would be great because I don’t have a manager yet.” Sensei sounded relieved. “I was planning on coming early and doing it myself, but I’m in Tokyo until Saturday morning.”

Wakatoshi shook his head. It wouldn’t take long for sensei’s young team to realize how lucky they were to have him as a coach. He was always willing to do everything to ensure everyone would have a good experience. “Please leave it to me.”

“You’re still reliable as ever, Wakatoshi-kun. I’ll take you out for dinner as a thank you.”

Wakatoshi’s ears grew hot. He never expected anything in return for helping. “T-that’s not necessary, sensei,” he murmured, rubbing the back of his neck. “This is the least I can do for the years you spent coaching me.”

“Ah, now you’re embarrassing me!” Sensei’s laugh was infectious. “It was a joy to help you grow into the player you are now. You played a hell of a game last month.”

Wakatoshi’s fingers tightened over his phone. Did he really play his absolute best? If he did, it still wasn’t enough to win against Hinata and—

“Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

Sensei’s steady voice effectively cut through Wakatoshi’s negative thoughts and insecurities. “I know you hate losing.” The smile returned to his tone. “But when you do, there’s no shame in losing to the best of them. It just happened to be the Jackals that day.”

Wakatoshi swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He didn’t realize how much he needed to be reassured that losing didn’t mean he was inadequate or lacking. He was just used to shouldering the burdens and pressure that came with being a top player. Not to mention the high expectations he set for himself. But that left no room for failure, and it was exhausting.

“Besides, you love playing more than you hate losing, right?” His sensei sounded hopeful, imploring. “I’m sure you’ll feel better once you get back on the court.”

Wakatoshi’s eyes widened. His love for volleyball was lost in the wake of self-pity. Suddenly, Saturday couldn’t come fast enough. He missed practicing until his arms and hands were red. He missed the satisfaction of hearing the ball land in the opponent’s court after a spike or a tip. And he missed growing and learning with his teammates.

“I-I’m looking forward to it,” Wakatoshi said softly. “Thank you, Saitou-sensei.” He still wasn’t the best at expressing his feelings, but he knew that sensei understood him enough to understand that he was grateful for the words of encouragement.

“Hey, now! You’re a coach now too, Ushijima-sensei. Get used to it. You’ll be hearing it a lot from the players on Saturday.”

Wakatoshi frowned. He was only filling in and didn’t deserve that distinction. “But it’s only for the day—”

His sensei laughed again. “Well, that still counts! I’ll see you on Saturday.”

“Goodbye, sensei.”

Wakatoshi placed his phone on the coffee table. The heaviness he felt in his chest throughout the last month was gone. Instead, he felt restless. Just like all the other times he took on a new challenge. It had been a long time since he trained anyone. Perhaps he could show these young players that falling short of a goal wasn’t the end of the world. And having a solid support system was essential to growing as an individual and as a player. After embracing his newfound insights, a smile threatened split his face in two.

He was definitely getting into it.

[lemongrassandtea]

VALENTINE’S DAY GIFT EXCHANGE!!!

For @sosoauthor ! Enjoy!!! 

I throw my house keys onto the couch as I walk into the living room of my apartment. “Hey, TJ,” my mom says from the kitchen. “Hey,” I reply, walking into my bedroom without looking up and dropping my backpack onto a pile of clothes. I jump on my bed and sigh, glad to finally rest after a day full of physical work and emotional stress. I still have a new math unit to worry about and a basketball practice which practically broke my back. I get up, rub my tired eyes, and rummage through my backpack for my math folder. I pull out my notes, sketching a right triangle so I can label and memorize the trigonometric ratios. This is the hardest math lesson yet, and it’s draining all my energy. I wish I could just sleep, but I have to start my homework early or I won’t finish it in time. Not that I could sleep anyway. Insomnia has been eating up my sleep schedule recently. In about an two hours, I’m just starting to get into the flow of the math homework and figuring out the problems without checking my notes. ️

I’m almost done when I hear the door open. Chelsea. My mom’s girlfriend. “Hey, Ty, could you take out the trash and feed the cats?” I hear my mom call from the kitchen. Ugh. Even though there’s not that much stuff to do, the few chores I have every night interrupt the flow of math homework enough to make it about an hour longer to finish. 

“Yes ma’am,” I say, closing my folder and getting up to start the nightly ordeal of chores and endless homework. An hour later, as I’m just starting up my homework again, I hear a buzz from across the room. ️

I walk over to my desk and pick up my phone. It’s Cyrus. Pick up, you idiot I think. I hesitate. I want to talk to Cyrus, but I won’t have the time to finish my homework if I take a call with him. It goes to voicemail. After I hesitate for a second, I put my phone face down on the desk. It hurts me inside to ignore Cyrus like that, but I shouldn’t be surprised. I’ve always been a jerk, putting myself and my needs before others’, it was just a matter of time before I stopped trying to fool myself and started being classic, cold-hearted TJ again. 

* * * 

The next day I show up to school a little groggy. My cats, Macaroni and Cheese, found really weird places to take a shit, and I spent thirty extra minutes looking for where that bad smell was coming from. “Hey Teej, you ok?” Cyrus asks when he finds me by my locker.

“Yeah, just a slow morning. I woke up a little late and I almost missed the bus,” I reply, smiling softly through the tiredness.

“That stinks. Maybe a baby tater date at the Spoon would make you feel better?” A date? Cyrus must’ve seen my surprise. “But not like a date date. An outing, y’know?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I reply, smiling tiredly through my disappointment. Why would I ever think someone like Cyrus would want to go out with me? “So, you wanna hang out with me and the rest of the GHC until class starts?” Cyrus asks, smiling a sweet and inviting smile. He seems so innocent and pure. I have no place being such a bad friend to him....

 “Actually, I’ll catch you later,” I mumble, collecting my books and walking away.

“TJ?” Cyrus asks, sounding confused. He catches up to me and puts his hand on my shoulder and turns me around to face him. “Is everything ok?” I smile as genuinely as I can and take Cyrus’s hand off my shoulder. 

“I’ll be fine.” As I walk to my first class, I can’t help but feel guilty for my lie.

* * * 

After school Cyrus finds me at my locker. His immediate concern is apparent. “Are you ok, Teej?” I nod silently and smile. “Ok cool. I was worried something happened last night. You didn’t answer my call, and then this morning I couldn’t find you.” Oh. Right. TJ Kippen, being a heartless jerk as always. 

“Yeah, sorry about that.” I quickly grab my stuff out of my locker and walk away. 

“TJ, wait!” I walk faster to keep Cyrus from catching up to me. I shove the doors open and stomp out of the school. I have to go. In a little while, I come up to the park where Cyrus and I first had a real conversation. Here is where the first fond memory of the loving, caring guy I have as a friend now was made. Where I knew, even if he was my sweet little muffin, I was nothing more than a “scary basketball guy” to him. I sit down on the swing and look around at the somber winter sky, the sun already starting to set at 5:00 in the afternoon. I look at my shoes dejectedly. I’ll never be the kind of friend Cyrus needs me to be. I’ve put him in danger. I ignore him just so I can do my stupid homework. I leave him, out of the blue, just so I can sulk alone and— 

“TJ?” I whip my head around to see none other than Cyrus. “OK if I stay?” he asks. I smile half-heartedly. Cyrus sits down on the swing to the left of me.️

“Are you okay?” I stare at the ground and don’t answer. “...Have you been ignoring me?” I nod silently, still a stone-cold expression on my face. “Why?” 

I kick some wood chips on the ground around with the tip of my shoe. After a few unsettlingly silent seconds, I look up at Cyrus, who’s staring at me with pure, real concern. With the sad and caring look in his eyes, I break. “I’m sorry,” I tell him, my voice cracking. 

“Hey, it’s ok—“ 

“No, it’s not,” I interrupt him. “I’m selfish, and mean, and I put you in danger, and I keep ignoring you for no reason and I—“ 

“TJ.” Cyrus looks into my eyes with a warm, forgiving smile. “You’re fine. Do you want to talk about it? Because I know something’s going on.” I sigh a shaky breath through my unshed tears and begin. 

“Every night, when I get home,” I take a sharp breath and collect myself. “It takes me a while to do my homework. Mostly math. For hours. And as much as I want to talk to you... I just don’t have the time. Actually, I just don’t think I’ll have the time so I chicken out and end up ignoring you and—“ 

“That’s ok, TJ. Is there anything I can do to help?” Cyrus is closer now, his brown eyes filled with concern and his hand on my shoulder. “It’s not ok, Cyrus. It’s no excuse to ignore your calls and texts. I’m just a pathetic jerk who can’t even be nice to his friends.” 

“Why are you beating yourself up about this?” 

“Because I care about you, Cyrus! You’re sweet, and kind, and perfect, and I don’t want to mess that up. I’m afraid that me being mean will affect you somehow, or all my dumb problems are gonna stress you out.” Both of Cyrus’s hands are on my shoulders now, and he pulls me in for a tight hug. The swings are too far apart, though, and we end up falling to the ground into some wood chips. I laugh along with Cyrus, and I didn’t realize I was crying until he reached up and wiped a tear from my cheek.

“You’re ok, TJ. Better than ok. You’re one of my best friends, and nothing can change that.” Cyrus pulls me in for another hug and I readily accepted snuggling into his warm shirt. “Hey, how about tonight you come over to my house? If your mom’s ok with it. Then we could study together and you’d be able to finish your homework.” 

I dial my mom’s number and hit call. “Hey, Ty, what do you need?” she answers. I look up at Cyrus, skeptical that this would work. “Um, I just wanted to know if I could stay at someone’s house for a sleepover. Just tonight.” 

There was a long pause from the other line. She sighed. “Ok, but just for tonight. And give me a heads up next time you want to have a sleepover or it’s a no.”

 “OK OK THANK YOU LOVE YOU BYE,” I tell her smiling to my ears. “She said ok!” I tell Cyrus, and his eyes lit up as he hugged me close. This is going to be an awesome night.

 * * *

Later, after studying successfully for hours, Cyrus puts down the book we were reading together and looks up at me with his chocolate brown eyes. “You wanna watch a movie and go to bed? It’s late.” 

“Sure,” I answer, my heartbeat speeding up as he grabs my hand and brings me across the room to his beanbag. I sit down and he hands me a fuzzy blanket and starts logging into his laptop on the desk in front of me. He signs into Netflix and looks at me. 

“Uh... are you ok with a cheesy movie? I promise it’s good, just, I don’t know what you like and almost everyone likes this movie...” 

“Yeah, of course. Whatever you wanna watch, Underdog,” I reply, smiling up at Cyrus and mildly overwhelmed with his hospitality. 

“Ok,” he says and starts to walk out of his room. “I’m gonna go change into some more comfortable clothes and make some popcorn. Help yourself to a blanket.” 

“Wait, you don’t have to get me anything, Cy,” I tell him. 

“No, it’s ok,” he replies quickly, smiling warmly and leaving the room before I can respond. On Cyrus’ laptop screen, a light opening plays over a clip of a lush field. The screen reads A Netflix Original as the opening for To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before plays. When Cyrus returns with a bowl of popcorn, I’m already entranced in the movie. He flicks off the lights and his computer and the fairy lights decorating his room are the only thing illuminating the space. He hands me the bowl of popcorn and sits down in the floor next to the beanbag, his eyes locked on the screen. “Cy,” I say softly. “You don’t have to sit on the floor.” He glances at the beanbag for a second and then looks back at me. 

“No, it’s ok.” 

“No, you’ve been so hospitable and sweet. Here.” I scoot to the side of the beanbag and shift the blanket over so he can have some if he wants it. I look into his chocolate brown eyes and smile, offering the space next to me. Cyrus slowly gets up and sits next to me, tense at first, but slowly relaxing into the beanbag and leaning back into the wall. As the movie continues I can feel him unknowingly scooting closer to me. About twenty minutes into the movie he gives up trying to hide it and cuddles into my hoodie. After a second of not knowing what to do, I decide to wrap my arm around him and pull him closer. 

But he pulls away. 

He leans forward and pauses the movie. Then he looks at me, an unreadable expression in his deep brown eyes. “What is it? Did I make you uncomfortable or something?” I ask worriedly. 

“No you’re fine.” He pauses, biting his lip nervously. What did I say? Does he hate me now? He hates me now. I freakin— “I just...” Cyrus looks up from the ground to my eyes and my heart stops. He grabs my chin and pulls my face towards his and kisses me square on the lips. A rush of emotions wash over me. I’m surprised, but I knew this eventually had to happen. I’m nervous, but I had never felt more at home than sitting next to Cyrus with my hand over his. I’ve never felt so fulfilled, but I’m already hungry for more. 

“TJ, I’m—“ I  put my hand behind his head and pull him closer for a kiss. The fairy lights accented the mood perfectly as time stopped and I was just there, with Cyrus, just him and me. When I pulled away his smiling brown eyes stared into mine. He giggled a little bit. 

“What?” Oh, crap, was that bad? Did I just ruin the moment? I just— 

“Nothing.” Cyrus reaches over to his laptop and plays the movie. He wraps his arms around mine and snuggles into my shoulder. I free my hand from his grasp and wrap it around him, pulling him into my chest and hugging him close. Only thirty minutes later, Cyrus falls asleep in my arms. I reach over to the laptop slowly, trying not to wake him up, and close it gently. As I slowly drift off to sleep next to Cyrus, I know I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. ️

—

So that’s that! I hope you enjoyed this and have a fantastic Valentine’s Day!!!

[erosjeon]

Kalopsia

Pairing: Hybrid!Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Fluff & Smut

Summary: You walk into your home one day to find your cat walking on two feet, in a human form.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Words: 2.5k

You kicked the door shut after trying your best to get it opened with your unavailable hands that carried the heavy groceries. With a grunt you managed to reach for your cross body and throw it over the couch while making your way to the kitchen to put down and organise all the things you bought.

You had a simple life, a twenty years old girl who’s trying to make a living in this cruel world. Your parents had passed when you were young and ever since then you had to make your own money, be it from taking extra shifts at the cafè you worked in to working at McDonald’s where you used to visit when your parents were alive and wonder why people wanted to work there when most of the customers were absolute garbage and the atmosphere is unforgiving and suffocating. You had come to the realisation that those people didn’t have a choice because after all you had bills and a degree to pay for.

You would describe yourself single, you and your boyfriend broke up about a year ago, you would be really upset and heart broken if he wasn’t a douchebag and a selfish piece of shit or maybe because you only dated for a few months and realised he wasn’t the one for you.

You would say that you’re living in this apartment alone but you had a cat, a male adorable Scottish fold with the fluffiest fur ever. He was the only thing keeping you going through your hard times, he would always come and rub his head onto your feet when you arrive home, he always wanted your attention and would would beg and purr for your pettings just like he is now.

You crouch down to run your fingers through his adorable ears with the biggest smile sprawled onto your face, you can never help it when he looks at you like that. Only if a real man can actually look at you like this.

“Hi Kookie” you said while stretching each syllable out of adornment.

“How have you been? Were you being a good boy?” You said while peppering his fur with kisses near his ear and neck which earned you a lot purr and a lick from him.

Your cat wasn’t the typical cat that scratched at its owners if they touched him or pet him too much, yes he would get fiesty sometimes but most of the time he was peaceful and understanding. When you cry, you would find him at your lap looking as sad as you or dragging a toy in your direction in hopes that if you see him play around attend to your commands that you would feel mused and feeling better. You swore that he’s not a normal cat.

You carried him in your arms after organising everything in place. You headed to your room and put him into your bed where you would walk to your wardrobe to get a change of clothes. You took of your shirt followed by your bra, you didnt need to be suffocated at home wearing these merciless boob imprisonment outside was bad as it is, you put your head and arm through your tank top and changed your jeans into your matching pyjama shorts.

You liked to lay down in bed and pet your cat when you came back from a long day in attempt to gather a bit of energy to get up and try to make dinner. Kookie must be starving yoi thought as you patted at your lap to get your cat to come to you, which he obviously did you could swear that he liked being there maybe a little too much. You didn’t like your cat eating processed smelly canned food that they scam people with at the market, when you first got your cat 7 years ago, you didn’t have much money to get him special cat food and you would feed him whatever you were eating which he actually found much better than canned food that you bought for him when you finally earned money, he refused to eat it and you decided to never feed him it again.

“Sometimes, I wish you can speak to me” you said while rubbing his right ear between your thumb and pointer, he liked it the best when you petted his sweet tiny ears like that.

“I just feel silly when I speak about my day for hours when you probably can’t understand anything I’m saying apart from the word food” you laughed at yourself. Strangely your cat growled and it almost sounded like a scoff, did you just offend your cat?!

“Sorry. But you know im going to talk about my day either way” you shot him a sweet smile. He settled his head between his stretched paws that laid on your stomach.

“I… I think I’m going to quit” you said slowly. You didn’t expect your cat to understand the kind of world you live in. You are a hard working person but you can barely manage doing notes for class when you had two jobs like that, besides neither paid well for the long hours you worked. You though of quitting your job at McDonald’s because it was tough and was a complete crap of a job and the shifts you worked could spare you an entire night that you can use studying or maybe in the future, spare that time to work for someone who pays well.

“I’m just tired you know? I feel like my brain cells are dying when I work there. The people treat you so horribly, when I work late at night and go to clean the dirty tables I get groped and it feels disgusting. The smell is disgusting and I dont even comment on how bad the food  we sell it. I feel so bad for selling people something that will reduce their life span” you sighed.

“I guess I really had enough, huh?” You said while picking up his left ear and massaging his head. The cat infront of you seemed to have understood you and gave you a pity look, which had quickly changed to what you could make out as annoyance and anger. Why are cats so weird yet absolutely beautiful.

“I guess it’s queue for dinner” you cheered,

“Grilled chicken? Or that salmon I just bought from the market baby?” You asked as if your cat would answer. You knew he would probably like salmon better and honestly, you were craving some salmon and a good beetroot salad.

The cat had followed you to the kitchen when the smell of fish showered your entire home. Of course you thought, what a typical cat he is. You noticed as he gets closer to you as you grill the salmon on the hot surface, he had wrapped your calf with his tail while looking up to you which made you squeal at his cuteness but remembered how dangerous it is for him to be close to an oven.

“I love you Kook but you have to go away, it’s dangerous here” you said before reaching for the fridge and taking out the rest of the ingredients necessary for the dish.

You had spent the rest of the night eating your dinner and watching a movie play on your TV with your beloved cat. You were feeling pretty tired and chose to end your night after emailing your boss at McDonald’s not to expect you at work anymore, you finally chose to quit but you weren’t sure if you were ready for the consequences. It’ll be okay, you whispered to yourself before shutting your eyes and brain to sleep.

The next morning, you woke up before he did like any other normal day. You headed to the bathroom and got ready to get ready for your classes, you would normally make food in the morning and put it down in a bowl so that when your cat is hungry it can eat while your not home, but as you quit your job at McDonald’s, today consisted of going to classes and coming back home early.

You made some coffee and put down a small breakfast for your cat incase it woke up before you got home but you doubted it since you’re going to come back within 3 hours and he’s showing no sign of wanting to get up any time soon. Smiling, you wore your winter coat and wrapped your neck with your favourite soft scarf and headed outside to start your day.

Classes were the same, difficult but manageable with effort anf effecient note taking, which you clearly havent done enough of. You didn’t make friends with the people that are in your course because you simply didnt have enough time to, but they all seemed somewhat nice you guessed.

Once the class was over you had a small break before the other one begins and you headed to the local university cafe for some coffee in attempt to really wake up. You waited in the queue to order your coffee, it was only one man with a slightly grey hair in front of you. You assumed he was one of those obnoxious frat party boys who dyed their hair a different colour every weekend. You rolled your eyes when you heard him ordering the same drink you were going to.

“Hi. Can I get a caramel machiatto please?” You asked of the barista, who nodded and asked for your name and the money, which of course you had given before you proceeded to wait for your drink. You had realised that the man in front of you was gone, that was quick you said before taking the drink that was placed on the table in front of you, that had said caramel machiatto on it.

You had sipped some before the same man reappears infront of you. Why was he here you said before turning away, only to hear your name and the drink you ordered being called out by the barista.

Fuck.

You turned around, and met the man again but this time, he was facing you and dear God, he was gorgeous. So unreal that you’d think he was an anime character. And you might have embarrassed yourself by taking his drink.

“Sorry, i thought you took your drink and left and I didn’t bother to check the name on the cup” you said shyly.

He took the drink placed on the table and turned it around before sipping it.

“No worries. Y/N” he said. He knew you?

“Um… Do I know you” you said confused.

“If that was a pick up line… You could do much better” he chuckled.

“Ahh.. not that. Its just you knew my name and I’m not much of a social person is all” you laughed as crismon stains your cheeks. You weren’t sure if you said that out of confusion or admiration and wanting to keep talking to him.

“The cup says your name” was all he said before giving you a smile.

“Right! Sorry again” you said,

“No problem at all” he said, before you left the cafe and continued to your class.

You were on your way home after that incident and you were smiling like a fool. At least we go to the same university, we’ll probably meet again, you thought. You didn’t know that this was not the only unexpected thing to happen today because as you turned the lock of your home open, you were met with a naked man.

“What the fuck?!” You screamed after taking in the scene right infront of you.

He wasn’t just one naked man, no he had what appears like cat ears and a fluffy long tail that you can mistake as your cat’s. You didn’t dare to look down and met his eyes, he was clearly as freaked out as you are, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. The more you looked into his eyes the more they resembled your cat’s that you stare hours in every night. You can never mistake any detail regarding your cat but this? This is insane!

“What are you doing in my house?!” You tried to be calm, not knowing how to deal with this situation. Was he a pervert with some strange kink, going to peoples homes and freaking them out like that?

“You’re home early” he said with a shrug, his voice sounding like the sweetest melody. When you fathomed what he just said you took a step back in shock. What the hell was that.

What?

“Who are you?!” You tried to stay calm and collected.

“Really Y/N? You can’t tell how your cat looks like?”

What?

“Thank God you found out this way, I was getting tired of having to stay in that stupid cat form and eat out the small bowl you would put my food in” he said annoyed.

This is not your cat. The man in front of you is definetly someone mental.

“If you think I’m gonna believe this then your out of your fucking mind” you retaliated.

He moved forward towards you before he shut the door forcefully and pinning you on it. He smirked before saying

“I can make you believe me”

He took your hand and placed them on the familar ears, they felt and looked just like your cat’s. You couldn’t help but rub them and the man in front of you leant towards your hand and purred.

You couldnt deny the fact that this pretty much is your actual cat in human form. All the memories of appearing naked and changing clothes in front of him rushed in your mind. You smacked your self mentally and stayed away from Jungkook. Yeah that was the name you had given your cat that you’d usually call Kookie.

“Why are you running away from me now?”, he said confused.

“Why didn’t you tell me you’re human” you ignored him.

“Because im not” he said as if it was obvious.

“You know what I mean. You’re a hybrid, same thing” you said sighing.

“Because like you are now, you’ll distance yourself from me” he looked down, all the smug that was on it disappeared. You sighed again, you’d never leave your cat. He was your life and you’ve even wished that he could talk to you. Your wishes had come true.

“Kookie” you said before making your way to him, his ears perked up and so did his head in attempt to look at you.

“I’d never leave you. You know that” you said as you took your fingers to push through his ears like you always do. He purred again and placed his arms around your waist while he rubbed his head into your chest.

“I-I always wanted to do this… have you between my arms instead of the usual way around” he said and you smiled.

“I do feel weird about it, but I could get used to it” you smiled.

A/N: Part 2 is out now

[theothercourse]

Why I haven’t updated recently...

I don’t share a lot of personal trials or tribulations, stresses or doubts on social media. Generally I’m not good at it as a rule. I don’t find my life particularly exciting or dramatic to make it worthwhile to share with others. I only tend to post highlights.

However, Friday, April 13th of 2018, I had perhaps the lowest of the low. I felt the need to get the sorrow and grief off my chest, out into the world… and to hopefully find some relief or ounce of healing in it.

I adopted a kitten at six weeks old, quite a number of years ago. I visited my local pet shop on an odd Saturday out running errands. This pet shop usually had puppies and bunnies in the window on the outside, depending on the season. A note was posted on the door advertising free kittens with a $25 purchase. I had two cats at home already, and not looking for another one. I walked by the window, a litter of four or five sat in a cage near the floor.

One tiny gray tabby looked at me and yowled. He chose me. In an instant, I knew he was for me, and I was for him. I made my $25 purchase, and adopted my free kitten along with my bag of litter and brand new water bowl and food dish. I didn’t have a name for him right away, because I wanted to find something that reflected his personality. Reflected his personality, and highlighted something I was particularly passionate about.

For the first few days, he was kitten. Little kitten. I remember that I locked him away in my room while I went to work. I wanted to be around to integrate him in with the other two cats. When I returned home after a particularly long day at work, I came back to a room of pandemonium. Belongings and clothing and bedsheets were strewn about the room, and not as I left it nine hours earlier. But my little gray kitten sat perched in the middle of the mess, looking regal and proud… and shamelessly responsible.

He hit my room like a hurricane. My little hurricane. It somehow worked out that I was particularly keen on the band Kane at the time. Thus became his name: Kane.

For years, he was my constant companion, my friend, my family, and my passion. Where I lived revolved around him, as he was mine. I couldn’t leave him behind. I had a responsibility to this feline, and I would do anything to make him happy and see that he was provided for. Even when I went overseas for a few months to visit England, I searched and searched for the right catsitter to care for him while I was away. I wanted to be sure that he would be calm and fed and watched after.

His personality emerged soon after I got him. Independent as he was… he determined most things, most times. He was boss, he called the shots. A grumpy child he was, and I loved him to bits for it. Dominate, assured, regal, everything you would see in a tiger. And he was…  he was my tiger. Long, lean, muscular…  he would stalk back and forth in the living room watching a bird in a tree outside the living room window. He’d grumble and growl if I dared rub his belly when he didn’t want it. He’d randomly go into a distant room and yowl to himself.

I loved him with all my heart. The best kitty… even in his grumpy state, I adored every whisker, every furry bit. As he got older, he mellowed and he became a love. A drool baby that would purr and purr and purr. He’d follow me into the bathroom, hop up on the vanity to jump on my back as soon as I sat down. He’d share kissees…. Kitty kisses that is. Licks to my forehead and my hair to show his affection… occasionally, on his terms.

When I curled up on the couch to binge watch a show, he’d join me to doze on my legs. He sat on top of the refrigerator and survey over his domain. He would sleep under covers and duvets. I never knew whether the lump in the bed was him or my lack of straightening the bed.

I wish I could outline and put down into words all the things I loved about him. His head butt against my leg when he felt particularly affectionate. His lean into my tickle. Or his habit of licking my fingers so I ‘cleaned’ his head and ears when I tickled him. His rules, he always called the shots.

About a year ago we noticed that he was losing weight. The vet originally wasn’t too concerned. He was a big brute of a cat… 16lbs of muscle. And at first, it wasn’t so concerning. Fast forward a bunch of months, and he looked like he was losing more weight. He didn’t fight the other two for his place at the food bowls. We took him to the vet. All his levels were relatively normal, his kidneys were borderline high. He had a heart murmur, which they didn’t feel needed treatment. Older cats sometimes develop these health concerns but they aren’t scary serious.

But then my Kane stopped eating. The vet suggested everything from changing his diet, to providing real chicken, boiled and raw, human baby food. They rechecked his xrays and couldn’t find any actual blockages. His rescans of his levels showed elevated stress on the kidneys. This is natural if the cat is feeling sick and won’t eat.

The vet suggested fluid injections daily for a week, and a twice daily oral medication to restart the kidneys. And it worked! After running to the vet daily for ten days for his fluids. The stress on the kidneys fell back within normal range, but Kane still refused to eat. The vet suggested steroids and an appetite stimulant while Kane’s weight continued to plummet.

The steroids helped, and Kane began eating again. He felt well enough to finally eat. But the steroids were a bandaid. After the fluids and the steroids, we still couldn’t be sure that he was pooping as he should. We tried desperately to feed him a laxative concoction that the vet gave us….  But Kane wouldn’t eat what he didn’t want to.

We were in last Sunday, when the vet prescribed the steroids, and he said that he wanted to see us again on Tuesday. On Sunday, Kane weighed 7lbs, 12 ounces. On Tuesday after the steroids and eating tons of food, Kane weighed 7lbs, 6 ounces. That’s when the vet told us that it was the worst case scenario.

Kane had lymphoma. He felt a swelling of his intestines that he couldn’t feel before. This disease was eating away at whatever nutrients we fed him, burning it away before he could gain any real benefit from it. Because the disease was so aggressive, he, the vet, couldn’t in good conscience prescribe or treat it with chemotherapy or anything else. This evil disease would claim my kitty and there wasn’t anything we could do. Not even really to prolong his life.

The steroids would help for a spell, but not very long. And we were looking at the possibility of choosing when to do the kinder thing of putting him down or let the lymphoma eat away at him until he succumbed. How the hell do you make that choice? How do you choose to part with a loved one, a family member? The impossibility of it shook me to my core. I never had to choose before.

I’ve had cats all my life, and I never had to make the choice. All my previous cats lived until old age, and they knew when their time came. This was different. I was watching my tiger baby disappear before my eyes and it was only a matter of time before this awful, awful disease took him away from me.

Kane became lethargic and depressed in the days that followed. It was almost as if he understood what the vet said in that room, and he gave up. His legs became weaker and he became frailer. Because of the steroids, he was still getting up and eating, but the rest of the time he would just lie prone on the floor or roomie’s bed. It was heartwrenching. Absolutely heartbreaking to see my once proud man reduced to a sack of skin and bones.

I knew it was a matter of time and it was becoming a quality of life issue. So I took Thursday off from work and spent the day with him. Napping with him. Snuggling with him. Burrowing under blankets with him. He still grumped at me when I got too affectionate, so I knew my Kane was still there. He climbed on me at one point and did his best bear hug. He used to do this a lot in the mornings. He would crawl on top of me, and collapse himself over me like a blanket, his paw curled around me.

He licked me and let me clean his ears. But I knew he was tired, and his little body was giving up on him. I was also facing a weekend away with roomie. We had booked tickets for a weekend of theatre in New York City long before Kane got as sick as he did. We both didn’t want to leave him, because he could hurt himself. He had no muscle mass left and if he jumped on the counter or off the counter, he could break a bone or strain himself too much.

I woke up wicked early on Friday morning, knocked on roomies door before her alarm to visit with her and Kane. We had talked about putting him in the vet’s boarding house for the weekend, but as we cried it out with Kane between us, that he wasn’t going to get better. How could we ask someone to watch over him every minute? How could we ask someone to keep him alive, administer his steroid treatment, only for him to lie there?

And the fucking awful choice made itself clear. I was keeping him alive for me, because I didn’t want to live without him. But he wasn’t really living anymore. He was crashing and fast. I read article after article after article. One thing stuck me in my research. Cats are a proud animal, they don’t show pain in the same ways that humans do… or at all.

My Kane could’ve been suffering. I couldn’t let him suffer. I loved him too much for that, I couldn’t even fathom that as an option for him… just for me. I couldn’t ask him to live in pain for me. He was for me, but I was for him. In being for him, I had to do what was best for him. I had to set him free.

I wish I could put into the words the torture and the agony it was to carry him out of our apartment, load him in the carry and into the vets for the last time. There simply isn’t an expression to watch your animal perk up on stress to watch traffic, and see his personality emerge again, knowing that he only had minutes left. But when we got to the vets, Kane wilted again. He laid on the examination table, the life completely drained from him because of this terrible disease that had raided his body.

I signed the papers, asked for a private cremation, requested a clay paw print, and gave the vet permission to put my baby to sleep. I couldn’t stay there and watch. As a pet mommy, I wanted to be there to the very end. But I honest to God couldn’t watch the life leave his body. I just… couldn’t. I loved him, and will love him still.

I wasn’t there when he was born, but I was his mommy. I chose not to be there when he died, so that I could always remember him the way I want to, because I was his mommy.

Donna, my roommate, and my sister, shared mommy responsibilities. She’s been there for so much of Kane’s life. So when I refer to him as my baby, and my tiger, and my handsome man, she has her own version of him too. She very much had ownership in him and she helped me and more importantly she helped him. I don’t mean to discount or reduce her role in his life. These are merely endearments that I called Kane and will continue to.

I just hope that Kane had a good life, that he felt comfortable, and that he somehow knew how incredibly loved he was… and is!

[kurel-andiel]

The OOC

It has been a week of indescribable feeling. Every day, since Sunday I have felt an empty chasm in my home and an evisceration in myself. So many friends, family, and co-workers both current and past have left their sympathies in comments and text messages and many of my gaming friends have talked to be morning and night, re-reading my repetitive reports of complete loss without judgement or complaint as I've struggled to deal with the loss of more than just my pet, but a member of my family.

Almost 10 years ago, just after we had moved into our first apartment together, Jesse gave me a blank check before Christmas so that I could get a dog. I couldn't have just any dog. I needed a unique dog. My eclectic pet behaviors demanded I find a breed that not only fit my desirable size, but a particular look, as well as fur-choice, and was so uncommon that when I would be asked what kind of dog she was the answer would leave the person with a look that said they had never heard of such a breed.

I settled on a Lakeland Terrier. A breed smaller than the Airedale, but larger than the Welsh. They came in all sorts of color variations. Had wire hair and didn't shed, and anyone I asked had never heard of one. I got lucky. There was a breeder in Oklahoma and she had 1 puppy left, who for 6 months had been waiting for someone to want her. So I got in my yellow saturn coupe. I took the check Jesse had given me and I drove four hours to the far side of Oklahoma City to a farm in the middle of no where. She was outside in a large kennel, barking with excitement when I arrived and spring-boarding like a deer back and forth along the chicken wire. I filled in the blanks of the check, handed it to the woman and drove another four hours back home to Tulsa with an energetic puppy in a purple collar zipping from front seat to backseat and all around.

At the time all of our pets were named after Futurama characters. We had Fry, a black cat. Leela, another black cat. To keep with the theme, I named her Amy and for almost 10 years I built a daily routine that involved her in my life. I trained her. I taught her how to sit and stay, lay down, come when called and roll-over. She learned how to shake, but more importantly she learned how to "high-five."  We'd laugh at her frog-legs, that when she laid down her back legs stretched out behind her. She never really played with toys, never chewed up carpet or furniture. She was as good of a dog as anyone could hope for, for never having had the sol-responsibility of a dog before. She was independent. Wanted your attention if you were going to give it away to another pet in the house, but otherwise preferred to be left alone. She did the psycho-dog run around the yard, bursting with unfathomable charges of energy and preferred her own dog bed on the floor over sleeping in our bed at night, and for the length of her life she laid beside my computer chair while I spent hours RPing and raiding in Warcraft.

She liked chocolate, so much that the emergency vet had an actual history of visits from her finding ways to uncovering Thin Mints, bags of reeses pieces, and even a hidden container of valentine day candy. Last year, she choked on a chicken bone that she dug out of the trash can.  She taught us a lot. Like how to rig a trash-can lock, when your dog learns how to unlock the built-in one. How not to turn your back on your sandwich for a fraction of a second to get a fork out of the drawer in the kitchen, and just how important those puppy training classes were for the few times she escaped from the backyard and went exploring the houses on our street.

10 years of the same routine. I wake up. I feed both dogs. I go to work. I come home to two dogs. I feed two dogs. When I go to bed, I call her into the room and lay her bed beside mine. That routine wasn't just for her, it was for me too and I find myself these last few mornings triggered by everything. Collecting 1 food bowl, instead of 2. Letting 1 dog in and out, instead of 2. Habitually re-flexing to avoid stepping on her at the base of the couch, even though she isn’t there. Even opening the pantry door to find the bowl of food she wouldn't eat and her pink dog hoodie beside it, because it was starting to get cold outside.

This morning I woke up to the noise of the cat, but instinctively shouted out her name to stop licking her paw even though she wasn’t there. 

On Saturday she showed signs of sickness and by Tuesday, I was having to make the decision to let her go or prolong her suffering by means of plasma transfusion, feeding tubes, and financial strain on a gamble of an unknown outcome of whether or not she would turn around and pull through.  We had no diagnosis. Infection or poisoning, these were what we narrowed it down to, but we'll never know for sure.

If someone had told me last week, that I was going to lose my dog this week, I'd have not pushed her off the couch and away from me because her breath smelled bad. Or because I'd had a stressful day and just wanted space. I'd have taken her to work with me every day. I'd have let her lick my bowl, given her the last few bites of my dinner. Now her urn is sitting next to my laptop as I pre-write this eulogy, not really so that people can leave more likes and messages and know just how shitty my week has been, but to just help me find closure or maybe to somehow immortalize her memory in a space other than my own head, where in time her small nuances will eventually fade.

I know it will all get better. I know that eventually I will get another dog, because my life is built for 2. But with Amy on my mind and so unexpectedly gone from my life, The 100 has phrased it best.  May we meet again.

[gaiatheorist]

Careful what you wish for.

Earlier in the year, I was unreasonably excited that more than one hedgehog was visiting my garden to noisily snuffle and snaffle up the food scraps that I’m still throwing out. “If there’s ‘one of each’, I might have BABY hedgehogs!”

Maybe I should have ‘wished for’ the winning lottery numbers, and bought a ticket instead? There’s currently a small hedgehog in my house, I think I last heard it mooching and snuffling down the side of my desk. I’m not ‘allowed’ to keep it, I jokingly messaged my son to ask if I could, and he responded “Mum, I’m not your Mum, don’t ask me that!”, we’re as bad as each other.

I’d used up all of my fully-functional hours of screen-time typing up my ‘impact statement’ for my PIP tribunal. (The advocate said he would do it ‘for’ me, but I don’t trust him as far as I could throw him, I have reported his conduct to my MP’s secretary, if he’s reneging on actions promised to me, he’s probably doing it to more-vulnerable people as well. I have food in my cupboards, and, through a bit of wrangling with one of my utility providers, I’m able to leave the electric heater on a low setting, some people won’t have had the luxury of being able to pre-plan their poverty-response.) It was a bit difficult to suppress my irritation with him, I was part-way through composing the email to the MP’s team when he emailed me the form he should have sent in September, the one I’ve been chasing in earnest for a week now. I responded that I was in the middle of something, but would print and post the form as soon as I’d completed the task I was on. *Ping* Not two minutes after he’d sent the email I’d already replied to, a text-message “Check your email, please.” *Suppressed scream, check YOUR email, I’ve already replied.* 

I’d done my mandatory work-search on the horrible ‘Universal JobMatch’ website, because I’m paranoid that if the computer systems check, and I haven’t logged on there, I’ll be sanctioned. There were a couple of semi-suitable jobs, but I didn’t apply for them, because they were both expired. One of them expired in May, and I had a very tinfoil-hat moment about that being a test, to see if I was actually looking at the adverts, so I noted in my ‘activity history’ that I’d viewed the vacancies, and that they were expired. I’d missed a call from the lettings agents while I was in the bath, and called them back. “The landlord wants to send someone to fix your heating Friday or Saturday, can you be in?” 

“I have an appointment at 10am on Friday, I can be back here for 11? Saturday’s better, I’m free all day.” (She’d said Friday OR Saturday, but the first plumber said it was a two-day job...)   

“Oh, I’ll have to speak to he landlord, then, I’ll phone you back when I have.” She didn’t phone back, and there’s every chance I’m going to end up having to cancel my counselling appointment on Friday morning, because I NEED the heating working.

Between emailing my MP’s office, NOT snapping at the dodgy advocate, and typing up the long and laborious table of everything that’s wrong with me, I’d gone out to the back doorstep for a cigarette. (Yes, I know, Mums, no more tobacco once I’ve finished this pouch.) There it was, about half-past-noon, a little hedgehog ran past my doorstep, and then stopped, trembling and hyper-ventilating on my back lawn. Hedgehogs are nocturnal, and I knew I’d seen something online about what to do with daylight-hedgehogs. I couldn’t remember if there was some illness or something making them behave abnormally, so the FIRST thing my brain decided was that it was almost certainly a zombie-hedgehog. (Which reminds me, I still haven’t watched yesterday’s The Walking Dead.) That’s what my brain does, it thinks up the most ludicrous and least likely scenario first, and then works backwards, not always logically, how I manage to get my trousers on the right way around in the morning is a minor miracle. 

I messaged Creepy Carpet Tile Man “Oi, Terry Nutkins, there’s a hedgehog in my garden in daylight, do I move it, or leave it?” The original ‘move it’ idea had been to shift it under the bushes where the other hedgehogs bugger off to at dawn, and hope it found its way ‘home’. (Mad image of hedgehog-Mum shouting at Kevin the teenager-hedgehog for staying out all day...) My cognition was already slipping at that point, I’d had a run of really poor sleep, with the additional stress of the PIP-thing, and the unreliable advocate. What I should have done is Google-searched (other search engines are available) for the daylight-hedgehog article. Instead, I’d messaged a wildlife buff, and now I’m worrying I might have upset him, because he’s missing the ends of some of his fingers, and the ‘Nutkins’ reference might have made him think I was mocking his infirmity. Welcome to my head. 

Creepy Carpet Tile Man didn’t respond until early evening, and I didn’t fancy the conscience-grief of just leaving the hedgehog there, and finding it toes-up, or disembowelled by a cat the next day. I put a towel down inside a box, and chucked some pate in. (I might have brain damage, but I’m not daft enough to give a hedgehog bread and milk.) I picked the hedgehog up, brought it into the house, and put it in the box. It didn’t ball-up, or try to escape, the un-hedgehog behaviour was concerning, I fully expected to be putting a cold hedgehog in my general waste bin, but I couldn’t not-try.  (Yes, it probably does have fleas, and yes, it does have ticks, I can see them.) Back to the laptop, to continue with the impact statement, because the advocate has absolutely no idea what he’s dealing with, and keeps telling me I have a ‘really strong case’, when he knows diddly-squat about me. Thinking on, I’d better read back through the whole thing, I clearly wasn’t firing on all cylinders, because I was messing about with a hedgehog.

The hedgehog warmed up a bit, and ate some of the pate, then it warmed up a bit more, and started exploring the box. I didn’t get my hopes up too high, and I’ve given myself a stonking upset stomach by eating the crust from a chicken pasty, to give the hoglet the meat. (No lactose, I checked.) I also gave it some kebab meat I’d found in the back of the freezer, and a saucer of chicken stew, with a banana, it went mad for the kebab meat and chicken, but doesn’t seem interested in the banana. 

I messaged my son a series of photos of the hoglet, unfortunately, he was in lectures, so couldn’t immediately respond to his probably-insane mother to ask her what on earth she thought she was going to do with a hedgehog. (He did say it’s not up to him whether I keep it... I’m not keeping it, it’s a wild animal, it’s not a pet.) Creepy Carpet Tile Man replied that I should give the hedgehog dog-food, and not let it out until it weighed 500g. I pointed out that, not having a dog, I had no dog-food, but that the little beast was very active, and chowing down on the ‘clean’ (ish) meat I’d been able to find. 

I spent a few hours yesterday evening watching the adorable little creature scamper around my living room. At one point it climbed into a shelving unit that I’ve now blocked off, so it doesn’t try to eat my Yankee Candles. It’s obviously quite a young one, because it was biting my toes. Bear with me, I’m not suggesting that adult hedgehogs would be repelled by my hooves, it was the soft-mouthed ‘play’ bite that young animals do to attract the attention of their parents or litter-mates, the grab-and-tug. Hedgehog, I’ve brought you indoors, and given you food, shelter, and warmth, but if you think I’m going to hand-feed you, because you’re impossibly cute, you’re wrong, there’s food over there, you can smell it, go and forage.  

I woke up at 4am, reasonably optimistic that the hedgehog would still be alive, and it was. I could hear it scuttling about behind the sofa before it poked its cute snout out, and snaffled some more kebab-meat. It really is adorable, but I’m not getting attached to it. I’m limiting my ‘interaction’ with it, I’m not talking to it, or handling it any more than I absolutely have to, because it needs to know that humans aren’t all trustworthy. It mustn’t ‘get used to’ my voice, or to being handled, and there were a couple of ‘Aw!’ moments this morning, when I saw it ‘behaving like a hedgehog.’ (Yes, it was a tad frustrating trying catch a prickly thing with claws and teeth before it ran off under a cupboard, but running and hiding is how hedgehogs survive.) I put it to ‘bed’ a couple of hours ago, after noticing it had curled up in a ball in front of the heater, tired-toddler style. I’ll buy some cat-food today, and probably phone a rescue centre tomorrow, I have lots of horrible paperwork I need to do while my eyes are still functional, it’s OK in a box covered in a towel for now.

So, I sort-of wished for a baby hedgehog, and now there’s one in a box in my living room. What I’m concentrating on now is ‘wishing’ that I can articulate my disabilities, and the impacts they have on me well enough to show the PIP tribunal panel that I really am struggling, and need help. That’s a pricklier issue than the one asleep in that box over there.    

[thatcookingfat]

Extreme Makeover: Dizzy Edition!

So we left Dizzy and Dotty about to embark on an adventure. Which is a diplomatic way of saying we were to battle bureaucracy, encounter homelessness and discover what a complete ass the law could be!

(Dizzy has asked that I keep real names out of the blog, she’s happy being ‘Dizzy’ or ‘Dotty’s mum’, but doesn’t trust this internet thingy and wants to remain incognito!) 

The first night of our epic journey was spent at Mum’s friend's flat!   I was thrilled, this was going to be just like a Blyton blockbuster!  In reality, I should have realised that the smell I woke up to the following morning would sum up the experience! Anyone who has ‘experienced’ the aromatic. ammonia ridden, ambiance of a baby’s morning nappy can never ‘unsmell’ the eye watering, gut wrenching stench!  

Excited that I wasn’t going to school for the foreseeable future, it was like the summer holidays, but just for me!  All my friends would be in assembly by now, I was just getting up! I was going to be spending the next few days, weeks, could even be forever playing with this baby and school was done!  And to top it all, Mum and I were going into town (which usually meant, Mum’s gonna buy me something) Haha, it was like Blackpool all over again, the reality was a far throw from the dream!

The trip into ‘town’ turned into a day of drudgery sat in ‘The Council House’ and then ‘Social Security’. I had never experienced boredom like it and bored kids make bratty kids! We then had to walk, what felt like a million miles, in gale force winds, driving rain and sheer misery.  And just to top it off, we arrived at a guest house that made flea pits look like a 5 star hotel, even the cockroaches were leaving! We had one single bed and one blanket for the two of us! Mum, back then was ‘wholesome’ shall we say? A size 18 lady and a child ain’t meant to sleep together in a 3 ft bet. So, huddled, sorry superglued together, scared to move in case the blanket moved and the arctic air blasted away any hint of heat, we spent the first night of our ‘adventure’.

Waking up the following morning, I discovered mum was already up.  She didn’t have to get dressed, all we had were the clothes we stood in! And whoop whoop, I didn’t have to clean my teeth, ... we didn’t even own a toothbrush! Well, I say mum was ‘up’, i discovered years later that she hadn’t slept! Once I had drifted off, she had gotten up.  Without her body mass in the bed, she had been able to tuck the blanket in, ensuring I was warm. She then sat in the single chair in the room, leaning over onto the desk and had managed minute naps that were punctuated with gnawing cold. Ain’t nothing like a Mother’s love for her young!

Tantrum number one came when I realised that this guest house ‘didn’t do breakfast’ I was STARVING. Tantrum number two followed when I discovered it was going to be another day at the council house and social security. And I finally pushed mum to breaking point when I realised we were going back to the guest house again that night! As an adult, I don’t blame her for the good hiding I got.  She had no money, no home and didn’t know when we eat or sleep again.  The only way she could ensure that I had a bed for the night and food in my stomach was to sit it out at these offices for hours on end and all I could do was ‘spit my dummy out’. It was the only time I saw the feet paddling frantically below the water of this gracious swan!

This daily routine of waking up cold and hungry, battling arctic weather to ‘prove’ we were homeless continued for weeks; because the family ‘home’ was in his name, the council were powerless to force him to allow us into the flat. Mum couldn’t afford a solicitor, hell she couldn’t even afford food for herself, so she grabbed the first offer of Legal Aid assistance she could get! With hindsight, describing her solicitor as “as much use as a chocolate teapot” would he unfair on chocolate teapots! There was so much frantic paddling going on with this graceful swan it was unbelievable.  In a time when the education system was very ‘open plan’ and laissez faire, mum was being threatened with legal action for keeping me away from school! It didn’t matter that she was given a daily allowance to feed us that was only enough for one meal in a cafe (my meal). Nor did it matter that to get me to school would take a four mile walk, each way, as the daily ‘allowance’ was gone on feeding me, there was nothing left for bus fare! A compromise was reached, my cousin was at the same school, so she would bring home work for me, which was passed to Nan & Grandad for me to collect on a Sunday, when Nan insisted we stay for sunday dinner!  I then had a week to finish the work, for her to return to the teachers! Years later, she apologised to me for, “putting me through it,” but she had no choice. If I wasn’t seen to be in the guest house every night then there would be NO assistance, NO daily allowance, basically NO help for us!

The only good night’s sleep I got was on the eve of my 9th birthday. Nan didn’t give Mum a choice, “That wee waine is gonnae wake up on her birthday, with her family” Oh my goodness, that was the BEST birthday present ever! Clean sheets, so many blankets I couldn’t move under the weight and I could take my arms from under the covers without the fear of frostbite! And the luxury continued, bacon and egg sarnies for breakfast (with gallons of tomato sauce), ‘Stovies’ for lunch and a full roast dinner for tea!  I genuinely don’t remember what presents I got, I just remember the heat, comfort and the experience of my first ‘Food Coma’!

I don't remember falling asleep or being carried up to bed, but I do vaguely remember being woken up with a strange man leaning over me! I also remember feeling like an elephant was on my chest and I was hotter than I’d ever felt! It turns out, the strange man was a doctor and hot elephant on my chest was in fact Bronchitis! The next few days were a blur, I just remember waking up coughing, being given this sweet syrup, spoon fed chicken noodle soup or stovies and drifting off into another drug induced slumber! My first experience of ‘Codeine Linctus’ was like “WOW MAN, this is goooooood shit!” 

Whilst I was being spoilt rotten by Nan, mum was back to the daily drudge of the council house and social security! Armed with a note from the doctor, I was given a temporary reprieve, but there was no respite for mum! At least, whilst I was gone, she was allowed the luxury of the single blanket and 3 ft of bed space! Honestly, ‘the ambassador was spoiling us” (Sarcastic? Moi?). She battled on and eventually, with the assistance of the NSPCC and a Probation & Welfare officer, Chapter One of our nightmare ended. We were going home! I was going back to MY bed, MY books, MY toys and MY beloved puss cat, Smokie Charlie! If you haven’t guessed by now, my dreams were nothing like reality, my middle middle name should be JONAH! 

So the first night at ‘home’ began! Dotty ‘Lucky Jonah’ discovered she no longer had her own room! The past few weeks had taught me to be grateful for what I got, I was still silently pissed off though! For a change, I was going to be sharing a room with Mum! At least this time it was double bed and there was an electric blanket! And I was allowed to rescue my Famous Five collection, I would be able to read myself to sleep again!  Haha, Cue Chapter 2 of the Nightmare!

Sitting there, Smokey Charley making up for weeks of being unloved, the awkward silence was broken. Now what do you think a ‘father’s’ first words to his daughter would be? “Sorry?” “I’ve missed you?” or even, “How are you?” ... Go on, have a guess ... .... .... ....

Did you get it? 10/10, gold star and go to the front of the class if you guessed,

“You’re going into care and that cat is being put down!”  

WOW! Please step forward Father of the Century!!!

Mum ‘lost it!’ All size 14 of her (Yup I said 14, not 18) landed on his lap, fists flailing in all directions and language her Scottish relatives would have been proud of, she finally released some of the pent up anger and frustration she’d endured over the past few weeks! I just ran out of the flat in panic! I must have been making a helluva noise as the next door neighbour came rushing out of their door. Although all she heard were loud wails and sobs, she somehow realised there was something wrong and flew into our flat. Feeling safe with another grown up, I followed her in. I have impeccable timing! I saw his fist hit Mum’s jaw and she slid down the door, unconscious! It was his signature move, Mum’s jaw was dislocated AGAIN! The neighbour just picked me up, (I was stood stiff and silent, as if the ‘pause’ button had been pressed) and bundled me into her flat.I will be honest, I don’t remember what happened next, my next recollection is waking up in Mum’s bed, with all the lights on and an almighty row going on ... for a change! He’d dragged her out of hed and was going for round 2! My high pitched screams must have halted him, the next thing I remember was being cuddled up to Mum, it was dark and the only noise was the involuntary sobs that continued long after my tears had dried.

Not surprisingly, I didn’t return to school the next day, as had been planned! That evening, Round 3 began! Apparently Mum had stolen his wallet!. Unfortunately for him, his luck had run out! As I had failed to return to school as agreed, the authorities had been called! We were unaware at the time, but I had been put on the ‘At Risk Register’! And, as I ran out of the flat in fear again, who should be walking up the stairs but the Probation & Welfare and the NSPCC officers! Demanding the police were called, for the theft of his wallet, he couldn’t understand that his raised fist to Mum was wrong! When they asked him where he last saw his wallet, he nonchalantly replied, “In the freezer, where I left it!” Yes, dear reader, I said the FREEZER!! 

I’m not sure if it was because they HAD to or out of sheer curiosity, but they emptied the freezer! Loe and behold, there was the wallet, wrapped in a plastic bag and hidden in a bag of frozen peas!! Stop rubbing your eyes ... you DID read, the wallet was in the FREEZER, wrapped in a plastic bag, hidden in a bag of frozen peas! You couldn’t make it up, could you!

He was given two options, leave the flat for the evening or spend it in the cells! He tried to negotiate a third option, Mum leave and I go into care! Oh this ‘man’ was a ‘real catch’, wasn’t he? Now the Probation and Welfare Officer was his nemesis, a woman AND she wasn’t even considering option 3! He threw a tantrum that even a two year old would have been proud of! Clearly a mother, she knew the best thing to do was ignore the tantrum! Eventually, he was able to comprehend, that this woman was ‘not for turning’ and he left the flat. Mum was told to call the police if he returned that evening, and I was going to be driven to school the next day!

Good to her word, I WAS driven to school the next day and so was mum! I was greeted like a long lost relative by my friends and I experienced something new! For the first time, I didn’t understand ‘the work’! I was used to sitting at the Top Table, diligently getting on with my work. That day I was STILL on the Top Table, but I was lost!  Our table had always been competitive, to finish first was more important than getting the answers right! I set myself up for ridicule, because I regularly finished first AND got the answer right! And, as any parent knows, kids can smell weakness from a mile away! The hunters were enjoying circling and toying with their prey! Already raw with emotion from the last few weeks, I experienced another ‘first’ ... RAGE! I ‘flipped out’ It was MY turn to release some frustration and anger! I was picked up by my ‘giant’ of a teacher and taken into the reception area and he just held me tight! As much as I tried to move, he had me in a death grip! The angry tears merged into sobs, loud, heartfelt sobs! I couldn’t stop, the floodgates had opened and there was no holding back the tide!

I was unaware that Mum and ‘The Officer’ had been in the Headmistresses’ Office discussing the ‘situation’ and, on hearing my meltdown, had come rushing out! My teacher, apparently, put a finger to his lips to silence mum, as I struggled with my emotions. The sobs silenced and I was back to the involuntary sighs that a body does after a ‘good cry’! Apparently I started snoring, yup I had cried myself to sleep! Needless to say, the Top Table left me alone after that.  I worked so hard to catch up and was soon finishing first, with the right answer again!  OH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, Normal working had been resumed! (sorry, it’s a term I’m used to, from my railway days, basically everything was returning to normal, with any disruption improving)

At the end of the last post I explained that I had a choice of going with Mum, or going to my Aunt’s across the road from the school. My Aunt, HIS sister and guess where he went to live ... Yup, you got it, honestly I’m not making it up! It was amazing how often he was, ‘just walking down the road’ at hometime. Soon,I was leaving school via the office again, being escorted home by my cousin (from Mum’s side of the family) to avoid confrontation. Monday’s were always a good day for me.  I only did ‘half a day’! My Probation and Welfare Officer, (I’m going to call her ‘Hannah’ from now on, it’s quicker to type) would pick me up for ‘lunch’.  We would go to a local cafe and have tea and cake! OMG, I was soooooo grown up! It was her way of ‘softening me up’ to open up.  it worked for a couple of meetings, only I soon realised that the quicker we stopped talking, the quicker I was taken home, and there’s nothing like being at home when you’re classmates aren’t!  I was authorised to ‘Wag It’

It must have been such a scary time for Mum.  She’d swapped a bossy dad for a bastard, so she’d never been in control of her own life!  She’d believed for as long as she could remember that she was stupid, useless and a lost cause! And it took her LONG time to discover that she was a very strong and clever lady. OK, so she couldn’t read or write, but she’d had a more valuable education! She had graduated with Honours for the School of Hard Knocks, completed her Masters at the University of Life and she was a Doctor of Resilience! Mum was now a very ‘svelte’  size 12, she’d discovered make up and, when she could scrape the money together, she would treat herself to a trip to the charity shop for new clothes. A very talented, self taught, seamstress, she could turn a potato sack into an evening gown. So whatever she bought, bore little resemblance to the outfit she would wear.

Things seemed to be calming down, I was back to being ‘Top of The Class’ at school, thanks to my Minder Cousin there were no more ‘accidental’ meetings and Mum & I settled into a new routine. Money was tight, pocket money even scarcer, but there was peace, something I had learned to cherish! You’ve probably guessed that it wasn’t going to last, whereas I had been lured into a false sense of security, ever the optimist!!! To begin with I was unaware of a ‘visitor’ at the front door.  But having the living door closed on me and told not to open it, I became inquisitive, I was learning Mum’s favourite childhood word, “WHY?”

Like many flats, there were two exits from the kitchen, on which was next to the front door, the other accessed from the ‘other’ living room door that led to the bedrooms.  So I learned to sneak out the ‘other’ living room door, silently open the second door to the kitchen, and eavesdrop! I couldn’t hear much of what was being said, but I knew the voice, it was the voice that told me I was going into care and that my cat was going to killed!  He was back! Mum’s told me a lot more since I learned to ‘Adult’ and apparently he kept coming back in the hope Mum would forgive him! Like many of us, he could see the ‘Ugly Duckling’ transformation happening before our very eyes! What we couldn’t see was the new invisible ‘lodger’ The one that told her she was still fat, she was ugly, the one that taught her that the only control she had in her life, was the control she had over her eating; her new best friend Anorexia. And her, soon to be, ex-husband found himself in a position he was alien to, he was powerless ... and a powerless abuser is a dangerous abuser!

Next time, more about Dizzy and her transformation. How ‘He’ managed to turn my thinking around and how we all coped with a HUGE change. Enter stage left, ‘MR RIGHT.’ The man, that no matter how much I pushed him away, pulled me closer. The man, who’s life I made hell. The man that after a long hard battle, finally wore me down.  The man I am proud to call my Dad, my boys’ Grandad, the Man that showed me what a REAL Dad was! ... Call the plumber, the eyes have sprung another leak!

Until next time, Dotty x

[well-shit-im-a-morosexual-now]

@jnksgrl @pandora-daughterofeve

Okay so this turned out longer than it should be...

This was just little over a year ago when we were interning at this tiny little place that was completely seperate from the main building where we, the interns, had almost complete run of everything (was it ethical? Probably not.) So like any sane group of twenty-somethings we spent more than half the time eating (and the other half playing hide-and-seek and plotting murder). With all the eating that went on here we'd usually have leftovers that we'd taken to feeding the stray cats with. Right, so on this particular day I'm in the middle of the tiny little garden/driveway thing feeding a rather skittish pregnant cat rice, chicken and the corners of bread. There's another intern standing at the porch with more bread, when a crow lands on the wall next to me. And I figured why not. I also remembered this old man who I'd see feeding crows on the side of the road every morning when I went to school. Always thought he looked super cool. So I toss a piece of bread to the ground and he immediately hops down, picks it up and flies back on to the wall to eat it. The little asshole immediately starts screaming his head off and seconds later there are 4 more birds. Which is fine. I thought it was cute. He told his friends! So I feed them. They scream even louder. A few fly off screaming. Within seconds there are more. Less than five minutes later and I've lost count after around 23. They've settled on the walls, the gate, the roof, the ground, the telephone wire and the balconies of the surrounding apartments. More are flying in. They are all screaming. The other intern is watching on in horror. And I'm surrounded on all sides, at the dead centre with the cat realising I'm running out of bread and probably seconds away from being eaten alive (or more realistically shit on- something that has happened more times than I'd like to remember). So I start gesturing madly at the other intern and they throw in their bread and I toss the bit I had remaining and make a mad dash for the porch, having to duck to avoid getting hit head on by crows. When I get to the porch I realise I'd abandoned the cat within this circle of feathery hell and with one last desperate look at the other intern (it felt a lot like how I'd imagine the husband feels in a movie when he says goodbye to his wife before rushing into a horde of zombies) I run back in and grab this freaked out pregnant cat who, from her reaction, has probably never been carried by a human before. After getting back out we dash inside and watch the crows through the blinds. It took them way too long to eventually stop screaming and leave. It was simultaneously one of the most thrilling and terrifying moments of my life. I tried it again a few times (with way more bread) but I never got as many as that first time and I didn't stay there long enough to properly build up a following (though the cat did become a frequent visitor).

So yeah that's the story. This is also the internship where;

I managed to lock myself inside a cupboard.

The kitchen smelt like death for a month and no one knew why.

The interns collectively managed to break no less than 6 different things, including the wall. We dealt with the huge hole in the wall by making one too many fisting jokes, pasting a sheet of paper over it, pasting a large 3D Mickey Mouse sticker over that and then rearranging all the furniture in the room so we could move a large cupboard in front of it.

One of the supervisors walked in on me on all fours with my ass in the air playing twister at the reception with a client and two other interns.

I spent half an hour walking in circles because I got lost in a hospital and no one could tell me how to get out. (Turns out all the others had spent just as long lost too)

I got on the wrong bus and only realised it halfway through but I had too much anxiety to ask them to stop so I just rod it to its destination, so I was 5minutes late and 4 interns called me in various states of panic asking if I was dead cause I'm usually the first one there.

I learnt how to pick a lock, cause my usual bus drops me off 45minutes before the gate is opened and the area we were in was kinda rough. But I probably ended up looking like the shadiest person around with my card of hair pins (could never get it in the first try) and the how to YouTube tutorial playing on my phone (always forgot the headphones) at 7 in the morning.

The front door was so tricky to lock, that the first time we tried to lock it up after work it took the 3 of us who had stayed back 45minutes and it ended with two of us in tears.

I spent a whole week drowning in guilt because I thought I had killed a man.

I once ate fried squid and the whole building smelled of it for the rest of the day.

Literally all the interns were gay for this one supervisor who rarely turned up.

We were all also lowkey in love with the supervisor who walked in while we were playing twister.

A little kid told me he was going to build a giant mall in Germany and that he'd buy free plane tickets for me and my family to come visit it and that everything would be free for us cause I was nice to him.

I grabbed my phone and ran out of a room because the wind was so strong I thought the room would collapse only for the door to slam open when I got to it and for another intern to grab my arm and drag me out while also dragging out two others because we were all convinced the building was going to collapse and we were going to die.

Everyone got the flu. Badly. I ended up crying in a hospital cause I thought I was gonna die (turns out I was having my first asthma attack after 8yrs)

When I was the only one on shift I cried in the reception while eating KFC.

We spent the first half hour of every day plotting the same murder over and over again

This whole internship was a fever dream is2g

Mammon's animal being a crow is great because yeah they're sneaky thieving little shits with a bad reputation but they're also a lot smarter than they seem, and have a tendency of remembering the faces of people who are nice to them and bringing them shiny gifts. Like yeah they're bastards but they're loyal af so what's not to like?

Also it reminds of that one time I accidentally built up an army of 20-30 crows during an internship so